lagenda cinta

8th Jan til 11th Jan 20ten

2010-01-12T06:05:00.000-08:00

I thought being back to KK was Okay. and at least would be good. But then, boleh la, still missing the KL moment with my baby. I missed our sweet pre-honeymoon! what a word. PRE-HONEYMOON. aha. the sweet moments. lots and lots of memories. 4days in KL was absolutely QUICK. Its just like our normal 4 hours-date. :(( But yeah, i missed all the times we shared. The dinner date, late 7 Eleven Imbi maggi Hot Cup, playing dumbs, singing like a rock star in Melia Hotel Room, screaming, running through the Hotel corridor, taking pictures, acting cool moments, the monorails trip, penjara Pudu and all. a lot to list down. i missed it! cant wait for the July trip again! yeayy!

Nadia, Intan & Zul, sorry :((

love.

my intan...

2009-11-30T19:59:00.000-08:00

dont she loooookkk adorable??

ayu oh....

makan pun sopan...

u sssooooooooooo cantik...

nadia request me to put ur pic here. haha.

btw, KL, im coming tomorow!!

dedicated to, entre your name here

2009-09-04T20:48:00.000-07:00

First of all, sorry for not updating. its been almost 6 month, well, here am i.

"Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning)"

So you sailed away

Into a grey sky morning

Now I'm here to stay

Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now

I just say your name now

[Chorus]

But it's not so bad

You're only the best I ever had

You don't want me back

You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world

Now I'm just a phony

Remembering the girl

Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter

Make yourself feel better

[Chorus]

But it's not so bad

You're only the best I ever had

You don't need me back

You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to

Patch me up inside

But I can't take it so I

Run away and hide

And I may find in time that

You were always right

You're always right

So you sailed away

Into a grey sky morning

Now I'm here to stay

Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted

Could it be I'm haunted

[Chorus]

But it's not so bad

You're only the best I ever had

I don't want you back

You're just the best I ever had

The best I ever hadThe best I ever

colours of life

2009-04-24T00:15:00.000-07:00

cikTASHA version copied from encekZWAN

i gone through encekZWAN's warnaWARNIkehidupan last night.

and his blog was inspired me. well, i love colourful thingy and his latest post was pretty!

i love colourful colours. and i stold some colourful arts from flickr. kiranya mau copycat encekZWAN punya lah sebab dengki. haha.

those colours done the great job of their own.

the lolipop! sigh. i like it since i was a little girl.

and red is my favourite colour. the bloody red.

thursday until saturday

2009-04-18T14:07:00.000-07:00

thursday night was the Malam Amal Gaza. Unitar incorporate with politech and Ums, at Tabung Haji KK.

it was okay. fun. yeay. fun. esp when its miss Aroom session. hahahaha.
i didnt took much pictures. but here's some.

cikDILLA & cikTASHA

cikDILLA, cikTASHA & encekAZRUL

encekAZEEM & cikDILLA

we all are bestfriends for life!

lupa aku mau amek gambar sama si cikAROOM! she's the stand up comedian i tell you! u'll laugh when she start talking. serious.

WTF in three days straight started on thursday til saturday, i had my eyes closed at 6fakkenAM and woke up at sweeet eight AM! thats mean i slept only 2 hours? i have my dark circle and its freak me alot. i just cant sleep at night lately!

reason #1 : undefinded

reason #2 : i think its coffee

reason #3 : yeah its coffee

reason #4 : oopst.. nescafe i mean

macam azeem sudah aku. addict to caffien!

learn and remember..

2009-03-29T10:30:00.000-07:00

What issit i have to learn?

On the verge of tears, i have to start relying on no one but myself.

An empty room, An empty house,An empty contacts list and

The only person in the room is me.

Sometimes we fall,

we cry,

we break.

It only makes us stronger.

But nonetheless,

we still have to go thru the pain that makes us stronger.

The pain that is unbearable at the moment of time.

Ill be fine.

Right now i just dont know what i want anymore,

when everything gets shattered.

Im supposed to be strong.

Supposed.

Should.

Strong.

How till today i carry the scars you gave me.

and all i know is i had enough. for now.

being in a relationship with a type of guy who never appriciates a woman, is really gay.

well, look, those sacrifices, the kindness and the whatsoever was end up mean zero. ZERO.

show some respect to people if you wanna have the respect back, young man.

and understand woman's need if you want them to know wat you need.

its not when you had this stupid silly matter, u bump up to her and when she has this unemotion situation, u ran and trying not to listen. thats makes you 2% closer to JERK!

stop being so sellfish

fourteen of february..

2009-02-14T11:33:00.000-08:00

l.o.l.o.l.o.l.o.v.e.
o.c.e.a.n. a.v.e.n.u.e.
that alanis song we sorta danced to
y.e.a.h. y.e.a.h. y.e.a.h.
u know how sometimes, you can remember something and you remember exactly how you felt at that time?exactly exactly exactly how it felt.
bedtime stories, dancing, sunrises, whipcream, high ways
crap lah. i feel like crap. c-r-a-p, crap.
i cannot not talk to u.
i cannot not listen to music.
i cannot not see u.
coz i cannot not tell u when shite happens,u listen.
coz dude, music is like, oxygen.
coz even with my eyes closed, ur there.

c-r-a-p. crap. CRAP.

everycorner is decorated with heart shape, red n pink color, and teddies. and everywhere also got couple here n there. its fourteen of february. well, its LOVINTINE'S day.. yeah. its pronounds that way. yeah people. can u smell sumthing. something sweet and warm. yah L.O.V.E. love is in the air. everywhere. everycorner. LOVINtine's day. oh yeah.. being in love is awesome. eventho is not the day that me and him celebrate it, but i smell love everywhere! yah. some celebrating it alone. or maybe with bunch of bachelor friends..

tunduk dan fikir...

2009-01-30T23:32:00.000-08:00

bumi mana tak di timpa hujan...

langit mana tak pernah mendung...

bukan semua yg pahit itu kejam...

mungkin sekadar sinisan tanpa niat...

tak bererti yg keluar dari mulut itu sengaja di muntahkan...

kemesraan tak bererti ucapan kasih sayang...

kasih sayang tak bererti pengorbanan harta kekayaan...

kecintaan tak beerti belaian penuh perasaan...

maaf andai aku terkasar bahasa...

aku mmg tidak seperti yg lain...

bagus la kalau jahat aku dilihat...

mungkin itu lebih baik dari hipokrasi....

di luar baik tetapi di dalam penuh kecelakaan...

perubahan memang perlu ada...

aku kan cuba merubah sekiranya kau juga berubah...

tak perlu bertempik, memaki, menghina aku seperti anjing...

sekadar perlu menegur...

itu sudah memadai bagi aku...

apa yang aku ingin katakan...

jangan pertikaikan kasih dan sayang aku...

tapi jangan risau...

kalau kau dah bosan...

kau cuma perlu cakap...

bukan mengelak...

compromise

2009-01-27T22:31:00.000-08:00

Wahai insan yang bergelar LELAKI. Jangan lah HIPOKRIT. Tanpa Wanita, hati perasaan & fikiran tak akan tenang. mereka tetap mencari walaupun ada segalanya. apa yang tiada di syurga hingga Adam tetap rindukan Hawa? wanita dijadikan daripada tulang rusuk yang bengkok untuk diluruskan oleh kaum Adam. tapi andainya lelaki itu sendiri yang bengkok, bagaimana hendak menghasilkan bayangan yang lurus?

biarpun akal wanita setipis rambutnya, hatinya serapuh kaca, tanpa wanita, lelaki tetap akan kosong.

Semua lelaki perlukan wanita. jangan hipokrit!!

dulu, kini & selamanya...

2009-01-23T18:10:00.000-08:00

apa lah arti hidup tiada cinta?

apa lah artinya cinta ngak punya kasih?
apa lah arti diriku tanpa hadirmu?
apa lah arti semuanya andai dirimu ngak ada?

i wanna upload loadsa pictures. pictures between me and my love one.

sweet isnt it?

we creat LOVE, LOVE creat us..
my heart;his hand

friend-sheep..

2008-11-22T18:04:00.000-08:00

people says, 'formed many new friendships over the summer'. somehow, in friendship we need to learn forgive and forget. or else, can we really live without a person we called friends? I have learned that friendships come and go. Some are broken, lost forever. Some should have never been, were just an illusion. i used to examine myself harshly as friendships fractured, broke up, became dust, got blown away. now it's simple whatever. *sigh* In our world of sharing and caring the only rule is don’t pick up. It’s all about friends love friends. In recovery the path-plan addicts want to think they are receiving and giving away experience, strength, and hope.And all of us looking for that sweet spot again. so the prize remains’ the same but the game play plan is changed.
Friendship is an extraordinary bond. Friends are always with you-even when they are thousands of miles away.
so treasure the friendsgip. the true friendship. you'll be grate! and once you have a new friend, just keep the old. coz the old is gold.

ALL friendships ARE relationships, BUT not all relationships are friendships

xoxo,
cik kayangan

sick-sigh

2008-11-16T01:13:00.000-08:00

hello people... beeeeing sooo busy with works. went back everyday at 10pm was really tiring. thats why im kinda lazy to update my blog. anyway, i have this SHARP pain in my tonsel. ggrrr.. I cant sleep, my tonsel is being a fucking pain in the dick because it wont let me sleep. haha. Saturday and Sunday, just take some rest. trying recovering from being sick, so sleep in and just relax. but its not helping. i hate being sick. i had this thing called 'beguk' in malay. haha.

tomorrow is monday. i hate monday. its because i had a lots of assignments projects and agreements to be done. and that makes me even MORE sick. with those two staffs who HATES me. haha. well, the boss loves me more then u both so keep ur hateness up and high. haha.

im fetish for bubur ayam at the moment since i cant eat oily food, or anything. make me bubur or give me mcd's bubur ayam. haha. but i went to mcd just now with hubbie, i still ordering double chessssss burger. i eat and swollen thing that will hurt my tonsel. budukapaka? haha.

i miss my lovely boo-gundut...

m.a.n.u.k.a.n

2008-11-04T04:29:00.000-08:00

the picnic to manukan with frontiers club was amazing! it was great! haha. eventho im having this sunburn, but its okay. its fun! haha. those colorful fishes really makes me happy! hoho.

me, phaD, pipie and safwan.. arriving at manukan..

the fishesss....

the corals..

eventho end up with phaD tercucuk landak laut, he never stop swimming. nda jera-jera. haha

here im back!!

2008-10-26T06:29:00.000-07:00

its been a while for updating my blogger. its a very very busy days i had been thru. yeah very busy. hoho. but still, thanks for all those comment and messages in my friendster on my birthday. hoho. anyway, nothing much here. just living my day to the blast with my beloved gundut and those people in frontiers. i will updates more soon. hugs.

and for ur all information, haha. abg bob is gone in heaven. so, im back in free with my lovely lovely switart. hahahaha...

my jiwa & raga..

2008-09-16T04:32:00.000-07:00

i have two man in my life that i care and love the most. the one that give me hopes and faiths, loves and cares. one, my boyfriend. second, my bestest bestfriend. they just simply rawk my world. haha. and i love them so much. <333 and they both i called, my jiwa & raga.. korang pilihlah sape nak jadi jiwa and sape nak jadi raga. haha.

here's the pictures me and my gendut on our buddy day out. simply adorable.

we went to hmmph, hair cut. the pukang potong rambut is loke woow raggee siot. haha. then we went to wisma. window shopping. actually looking for his sandal and none of them match his taste. ya ya. semua pun ada ja kritikan. haha. after wisma we went to api-api at sportmart, centre point, warisan and finally wawasan. awh ya, we break fast in the car. with cup of coke. kembung perut siot. haha. at the end, we didnt not get anything. haha. we had fun.

i missed those people...

2008-09-15T09:47:00.000-07:00

azrul talk to me. about his conversation with azeem. and it makes me cry.

the memories...

the bowling session...

azeem makan maggi in my room..

udin playing my eyeliner...

the dialogs that i missed the most..

azeem : 'uinah ging...',, 'macam anjing-anjing',, 'panjang jangan sebut ah',, 'punyaaa sandi ko ging'.

udin : 'mat, peler ko pindik macam ni ja kan?'

mat : 'mati la. mati la'

i missed them all. seriously. i miss them. so much.

azeem, mat, udin, zed, memei, riney, and all of them la. zen people.

saya sudah kehilangan si gendut saya

2008-09-15T07:35:00.000-07:00

dear azrul.. i wanna tell u the whole thing when times come but u knew it earlier. so im sorry. i thought u said u dont love me so, make a move then. haha. bah bah. friends is forever bah. kau nak jadik kawan, aku tak kesah.. we rawk!!

endang!! kak izan is sooo gempak siot! haha. nah nah.. girlfriend si azrul dah ader boyfriend baru siot! haha. ex-girlfriend. dowh. anyway, kak izan, you rawk!! bia pun aku tukar link, kamu sungguh celik IT sehingga menjumpai aku! haha.. tinggal si endang dengan gendutnya. aku punya gendut nda lama lagi kurus tu. nda sudah gendut. si badak sudah tiada gajahnya.. si gemuk tiada sudah si gendutnya. woohoo..

iam not in a mood of blogging but hey people.. i love you all!! kepada semua yang membaca, terima kaseh!!

p/s : kak izan, drop bah komen! haha

azrul said, 'semoga berbahagia. akhirnya sempurna'..

2008-09-13T04:26:00.000-07:00

ღmiss tanashah and mr bobღ

he's my sunshine. and he made me soo happy in the morning and night. he made me so absolutely happy and its not funny anymore. and my life seemed so worth it. i love him. and i meant it. and we im happy. we happy i think. dont u happy syg? haha.

and when i remembered, friends said, 'u'll find someone better.someone much better than awang. trust me.' or, 'forget azrul la babe. he's not belongs to you.' NOW i realize that its true. there is someone for me. and i found it! wahaha. so thanks for your friendster shout out azrul. u such a nice guy ever!! haha. well, at least all my questions about my friendship with azrul, answered!! kadang-kadangkan, saya sendiri bingung what the hell he need from me again. after things happened. so please just go, if you read this. im so tired be next to you. maybe im not a nice friend. im sorry. Things have been hard. Things have been driving me crazy.Things have been changing. and im changing. Frustrate you. Kill you. Ruin you. Ruin the friendship. wasnt my fault. and wasnt me to be blame. ask yourself. all i know now is im happy. im happy without you. seriously. oh, even if i havent meet abg bob. still im happy without you. so if you wanna be friend, be good kerana, aku sungguh pening melayan kerenah kamu! saya penat! If I dont make your heart skip a beat, then hate me. haha.

SO ITS THE TIME TO LET THE PAST STOP, HURTING ME!

two heart beat as one

2008-09-11T21:43:00.000-07:00

introducing, mr. khafez. hoho.

p/s : sorry to abang cause i took this picture. haha. fyi people, this pic may be a year but he still look the same.

okay, here's the story. he's been MISSING, for SEVEN YEARS and finally with the help of God and Iffa's laundry assigment, we meet up. and i think we in love. love?? yeah, i guess so. is that we called FATE and DISTANY? is it JODOH? OR TAKDIR like our sms conversation about TAKDIR and stuff. i do believe in jodoh and takdir. and i do believe in US.

okay, some people, be ashame to fall in love. but when they missed that someone that much. they will can never deny thay they in love. love cant be force. they will come naturally. like us. the love came naturally. haha. conclusion, i love him and he love me too. insya Allah dengan doa kami berdua, we can get thru all of it and be happily ever after. haha.

10th ramadhan..

2008-09-10T21:10:00.000-07:00

its been 2 fcukken years i havent meet miss linda. and she called. and we meet up. just a while but it was great.

and here's picture encek wan and me. we had our breaking fastwith miss ayu too. she's adorable girl. very sweet and pretty. hoho.

the breaking fast was okay and abg bob joining us a while. awh. i missed him. haha.

muka dan detik keriangan bersama mantan kekasih

2008-09-07T22:59:00.000-07:00

we doing just FINE and GREAT..

people, meet azREPUBLIC. my soulmate. my bestfriend. my love??

okay, today was our second time breaking fast two-gether. it was fun and good. told you, we doing just FINE and GREAT. did i mention that we had our break fast at Sate Mesra last year on the third day of Ramadhan? this year same place but its was on the fifth day. Buffet. haha. it was FUN to see he ate a lot. senang hati woo. okay and today, seventh day of fasting we had our lamb chop session. oh ya, before that we spend our stupid crazy hours jalan-jalan tengok keretas (with S means more than one). until end up at TAMPARULI. yes, tamparuli, i repeat. crazy bha. but we had fun. pictures snappings. laughing. singing. lawak ketidak-atururan. its was FUN! then, we went to one borneo for windows shopping. he's trying this cloths and that. looking this stuffs and that. trying perfums this and that. haha. so thats for today. we doin just fine.

and he sang for me...

'hey wanita,gembira dapat berjumpa,teringat kembali kali pertama kita bersua,ingat bila kita bersepatu serupa,tak lama dahulu jangan kau kata kau dah lupa.gemuk,dirimu buat ku tertarik,menghilang segala prasangka,di jiwa,ohh gemuk,sungguh aku cinta kamu'

fyi,, i miss him. haha

i miss you, and its bloody true

2008-09-04T00:36:00.000-07:00

i need HELP and opinion people. should i keep in touch with him, ...theloveofmylife or just stay away and run hide from him?? actually, im afraid BAD things happened again. like the night i was at his house. freak me alot. i really dont want it to happen again! serious shit!! but i missed him. haha. come on people, i've been thinging, wondering, dreaming about him for the past two months. i'd cried myself to sleep. yes until now. pethatic bha kau pikir!!

so i just need your opinion about ;-

'SHOULD I KEEP IN TOUCH WITH HIM OR JUST STAY AWAY, RUN AND HIDE FROM HIM'

I think, i'm going to go BEZERK. i spent my ENTIRE NIGHT last night thinking what had happened to me and my ...theloveofmylife. seriously i keep wondering and thinking things again and again. what the fuck is happening? why this happened? stupid me. remorsed and regrets! wtf!

my ...loveofmylife was sick last night. he had this red eyes crap. and guess what? i brought him to permai policlinic. ya ya. stupid me. i missed him thats all. thats the only way i could see him. God listen to my heart. what i asked was only he dail my number so that i can listen to his voice. but God really loves us. God wont tortures people's feeling. so He met us up! haha. Thanks God for that. haha. okay, then after the clinic session, we had our lepak session at Rimba Sutera. just a glass of ice tea with lemon (isnt it ice lemon tea?). and he had talk. it was fun to see him. smiling. laughing. and he doesnt look SICK! haha. ya ya. red eyes. come on people, just tell him that i am the 'penawar'. haha. we went to mc donald drive thru and get some bites. ronda-ronda kingfisher cari abg bob's laundry and cyber cafe. urgh. but was okay la. we found plenty laundries. and zero cyber cafe. anyway its 12 fucking AM. and we went back at 1.30AM.

i missed him already. breath in breath out.

i don't realise, but i let let myself hurting me so badly inside. so badly that sometimes i just feel that you don't have the same feelings towards me anymore. and i sometimes, i feel like it's better if we dont see each other, call or smses. but i don't want to, cause that wouldn't only hurt you (maybe) but it will hurt me deeply. cause i'll be missing you so bad. i miss you voice. it will scar my heart, forever. so now, i'm bearing with it. i'm trying to learn to accept the fact that's we just the way we are. & i fallen with who you are, that line is puree. it's just bringing you trouble. well, it's my lost, i'm not going to be bugged about it, just a waste of my time. and i can't change the fact that you still 'HATES' me. I THINK MY HEART HAS STOPPED BEATING. more like "i think my heart has just started BLEEDING again". it hurts. it hurts alot.
but i guess i can't do anything about it. unless you tell me what you want in me. but maybe, i won't change. cause life worth nothing to me anymore.

I'm just sorry. for anything. i've done. i guess. and. yeah.

**sor·ry play_w adj. sor·ri·er, sor·ri·est

*1. Feeling or expressing sympathy, pity, or regret: I'm sorry I'm late.
2. Worthless or inferior; paltry: a sorry excuse.
3. Causing sorrow, grief, or misfortune; grievous: a sorry development

i'm an emotional wreck.

freak. i hate you i hate you i hate you. Can't imagine that we are over. it's over. its been two months? Fcuk you, i'm pissed and stressed out. i need a massage. message from you. argh. pethatic!!

well, overall, my life is just screwed up.yes it is. DEFINITELY. so help me. *sarcasm*sigh

private blog or just let it be public?

2008-09-03T06:08:00.000-07:00

dear friends and readers,

i had this anonymous who actually comments my blog, recently. and i think those word a harsh!
so, tell me, should i just keep this blog public or private to people i invites and approve only.
drop your comment. its help. thanks.

to anonymous, thanks for the comment. why dont you put your name instead of anonymous?? dont you dare?? wtf!!

the 3rd day of fasting was okay lah. wasnt that bad after all. but i missed those time last year where me and him spending this fasting month together. haha. 3rd day 2007 fasting, we end up break fast at satay mesra, city mall. and i remembered, he ate A LOT!!. i still remember it. whoa.. gilak nie! but memories rawk. and pethatic!! like sara said, im not like Johanna she knew. im no more talkative. silence all the way. haha.
me and my friends *name sencored*, went to bazaar ramadhan buying food for us. and suddenly i said to my girlfriend, 'babe, ni makanan favourite awang. yong tau foo. he like to eat this.' haha. am i that pethatic? omg. pergh. i can even forget about him. help!!!

i had this conversation with a friend of mine, i spent basicly 6 hours talking about feelings and how regretful i am. im tired crying for 2 amazing pethatic months. believe it, i've been crying everyday dowh! crazy as fakk! I dont know how write more interesting posts,it just comes down to how much.how happy i am being with the one i called ...loveofmylife.

my wish, please God. makes him call me. i miss his voice.

TELL ME HOW TO GET RID OF HIM!! PLEASE!

to my no-longer-boyfriend..

2008-08-28T07:48:00.000-07:00

to the one i used to called ...loveofmylife
u came into my life,

brings those happiness, loves and cares. the shine that brights my dark life. but my heart always questions myself. are you my distany? are you the one? are you? a million questions in mind. do i always make you happy? am i happy? yes i am happy being with you. but will the happiness last? i think it will. happy forever with you and me.

but, now you're gone. heavenly gone. just leaves me with thousands memories. sweet memories. bitter one too. thanks for those memories. ;) but i always wish for us to be us like we used to be.

now i realize, the fates that i need to face. the one i need to go through. and i know that you wasnt the one for me. wasnt the one. you belongs to that someone who much better. thousand more better than me. i could cry an hour. crying myself to sleep. remorse. regrets. but hey, shits happened.

hey, i hope you'll always be happy. with who ever the girl is. the one you loves. and care.

p/s : sorry friends. i just expressing my heart out. wahaha. luahkan sesuatu bisa melegakan kan?

xoxo,

misstaNashah

kau puisi hatiku...

2008-08-25T09:47:00.000-07:00

DOA SEORANG KEKASIH
TUHANKU,seandainya telah kau catat dia mlikku,tercipta buatku, dekatkanlah dia padakusatu kan hatinya dengan hatiku.titipkan kemesraan antara kami agar kebahagiaan ini abadi,dan tuhanku YANG MAHA PENGASIH,seiringkanlah kami dalam melayari hidup ke tepian yang sejahtera.. tetapi tuhanku,seandainya telah engkau takdirkan dia bukan milikku,bawalah dia jauh dari pandanganku.luput dari ingatanku dan peliharakanlah diriku dari kecewanya.tuhanku YANG MAHA MENGERTI,berilah diriku kekuatan melontar bayangannya ke dada langit,hilang bersama senja merah dan gelap pekat malam agar aku rasa bahagia walalupun tanpa dirinya dan tuhanku YANG TERCINTA,gantikanlah yang telah hilang tumbuhkanlah kembali yang telah patah meskipun tiada sama dengan dirinya seandainya dia datang menemuiku dan cinta itu adalah cinta yang sejati dan suci seandainya dia pergi dan tiada menemuiku dan anggaplah cinta itu tidak wujud dari awal..

those wedding i went was tiring...

2008-08-23T03:43:00.000-07:00

i went to alot of people's wedding in this week. like alot!

and i did went to my exbf wedding as well. haha. sound weird but its true. helping his family preparation and stuff. omg. he's cute. still. haha. but they look soooo adorable. and nice. plus cute. and beautiful. haha. will upload some of OUR pic soon.

here some of those photos taken from the wedding i took.

this is me and my junior back in high school. kie. kak lyn my senior in high school.

and the pengantin! abg roy and nurain.

pretty isnt it? anyway, life sucks. haha. meeting people oso plain bored. but fun la. those chicks was crazy! updates later. xoxo

i miss my BFFL<333

2008-08-16T06:46:00.000-07:00

nombre 1 ; i missed azrul.

nombre 2 ; i missed sara.

nombre 3 ; i missed ziela.

nombre 4 & 5 ; i missed nadia & intan.

i missed my BFFL.best friendsforeverlove. *cough* especially nombre 2,3,4 & 5. the nombre 1, i seen him almost everyday. so not much miss-miss one la. and si PUTRI. putri bha kan sara? haha.

hope to see you all soon.

xoxo, cikKAYANGAN

prettymutherfuckinsweet...?

2008-08-12T05:29:00.000-07:00

So at the moment, life has been prettymutherfuckinsweet. I cant explain it, theres just too much going on to sum it all up.Its just simple and great just the way i like it, with the exception of some missing people.Missing the ...loveofmylife (mr az) & my jiwa&&raga (nadia&&intan). and maybe the zen garden's people. maybe. ;)

It hurts how much I have lost myself. will get him back, i hope.So, its complicated.We have our own issues.
Its a truthful world.He makes my heart beat so fast its not funny anymore<3
Memories, blame, hurt.

Everytime I think about you, I just think about how much we had hurts.Im getting my life back on track, and sometimes when that happens, you have to leave everything behind.everything.
Things have been hard.
Things have been driving me crazy.
Things have been changing me.
Its hard to explain the relationships me have with people.To define them.When they're not around,or when they're too close.
You learn different sides. Like when you get really close to someone, u see their soft side-their untouched side, the side that will open up yourself towards them.The side that gets you thinking oh wow.The side that makes u feel the happiness of getting to be their friend.
And the side that breaks you down.The one where you get too close, and you learn their bad habits.Which annoy you. Frustrate you. Kill you.Ruin you. Ruin the friendship.
*sigh*
i wish there was something;
i could do to be able to make me feel useful.
im sorry,
that i cant do anything more.
i feel bad,
that i can do anything about it.

im in a deep mess, a hole, a big damn problem.and i cant get out.choose your friends; eliminate ur enemies.help out others; get ur heart broken.

now you can tell betweenthe traitors and the fakers

lovely day..lovely day..

2008-08-06T04:16:00.000-07:00

today, me and my beloved ex-boyfriend ( dont laugh ) we went out. yes. after a month we havent meet or call. we met up. it's kinda funny but we still the 'great, great, great good friend'. well, i never thought that that im this strong to see him. BUT I DID! im stronger than yesterday. yeay! haha. im happy. im greatful. and im full of happiness. haha. we spent 6 hours together. haha. i cant stop laughing. and i miss him already. waaahhh!

we go papar, which is FAR from kk. doing stuff some works there at papar. and had our lunch together. wee.. haha. coffee friends, the lunch spot. we talked alot. we laugh alot. we talked and laugh alot. it was fun weh! haha.

kita ging bha kan ging??

xoxo,
cikKAYANGAN

im hurt..

2008-08-04T07:09:00.000-07:00

darkness cannot drive out darkness. only light can do that.

hate cannot drive hate, only love can do that.

when u love someone, and you have to let him go, its hurt.
especially the one who give you too much hope and love, cares and faiths.

kepada awangku mohd azrul,
biarpun apa pun yang terjadi, saya tetap sayang and terus sayang kamu. you know that.
jangan berasa sunyi, kerna hati saya juga begitu. sedih, sendiri dan sunyi. mana mungkin bisa hati ini tenang tanpa kamu. just wanna let you know, i love you to death. ;)

jaga diri kamu, andai tiada khabar dari saya.

here i come again...

2008-07-07T08:18:00.000-07:00

i was so fcuking busy with works and stuff lately. plus my streamyx line is now suspended. congrates.

i met someone new. a girl. nice and pleasent attitude. good. and adorable. she loves pink. name? secret. haha. well, i just spent few minutes reading her blog. topic. 'bercinta?' haha. its sounds like she's telling people who were non-single stop pretending that u are single. haha. i love this babe. i love her. well, it is true, if u owned someone, tell. dont just keep it behind. kononnya mau cari pacaran lain. gitu? haha. actually i met this adorable babe from a crisis between my hubbie and me last month. but things goes smooths now. alhamdulillah... I think Im just too weak hearted, and think mostly its coz my heart cant take the break. phew..
kepada kalian semua, bilangin donk kalau udah punya cowok atau cewek. kok diam!

Just because im so effin sick today that its not funny,that i will do this. Which i usually dont. having PMwith extra SSS is sucks!

i missed my hubbie. biarpun dinner sama-sama, but i missed him already. ;(
It makes me happy that my shuffling makes others happy as well. its hard to explain. being with him was awesome. and im happy. he's like hot chocolate in the morning, and milk at late night. he's too cute for words, Too gorgeous for pictures, and the best love i could ever have. i sayang u gundut!! And my secret love's no secret anymore.

okay, something about FRIENDSHIP here. where are the person u called friends? kadang-kadang ada. kadang-kadang tiada. hilang? ya, ada yang sibuk bercinta. sampai no more hang out like we always had. sms? no reply, he said. call? no answer he said. gone. orang ada girlfriend. biasa la. haha. well, happy for you. smoga kekal. amin.

xoxo, gerl

shut up, get LOST and go to HELL!

2008-05-01T02:57:00.000-07:00

Im not fighting back anymore. Im not fighting for faith. The faith i always believed in someone has GONE.
So Im not asking for another chance. And Im not asking for a movie moment.I just want you to know that what you're doing really makes me goes crazy.
So in 1, 2, 3 days from now you can look back at this smiling,
not ever ever EVER regretting or thinking what if.
and i hope u wont regret anything.

YOU SCREWED ME OVER, MOFO!!
im still pissed off at you.im still ready to cut you into pieces.i must say though,you did have me at hello.

now, today, my life has changed. my heart has broken into pieces. and thanks to you!
ya ya, sebab kau memang tak pernah mengerti! go to HELL!

im sooooo sick of being hurt.

terindah di indah permai....

2008-04-17T10:03:00.000-07:00

Aku yang pernah engkau kuatkan
Aku yang pernah kau bangkitkan
Aku yang pernah kau beri rasa
Saat ku terjaga
Hingga ku terlelap nanti
Selama itu aku akan selalu mengingatmu
Kapan lagi kutulis untukmu
Tulisan-tulisan indahku yang dulu
Pernah warnai dunia
Puisi terindah ku hanya untukmu
Mungkinkah kau kan kembali lagi
Menemaniku menulis lagi
Kita arungi bersama
Puisi terindahku hanya untukmu

song dedicated to azeeeeem and riney. the love.

riney merajuk!!!
azeem pujuk!!
aku merajuk!!
sepa pujuk??

huh.
dunia, dunia.
andai bisa bicara, ingin aku khabarkan cerita terindah malam ini.
biar semua tertawa riang, bagai bulan terang, bintang menyinar..
aku pati bulan dan bintang juga akan tertawa melihat mereka.
azeem & riney.

riney : open the gate
azeem : *diam*
riney : i said, buka the pagar. i mau balik.
gerl : im going with u kay?
riney : nda la. u suruh si azeem hantar la. buka la pagar.
azeem : riney, pls...
riney : buka pagar!
azeem : *buka pagar* (bodoh kan?)
riney jalan dalam hujan. masuk kereta.
bulan dan bintang, bisa kalian lihat?? inilah kenangan indah malam ini...
gerl : zeem, p la ko pujuk. dia belum start keta lg tu. dia minta pujuk tu!
azeem : *jalan kuar pagar, p keta riney, si cinta hati*

one hour later,,
pap!! (bunyi keta punya pintu) 2 kali!

wat we saw is riney and azeem going back to the house...
the LOVE is back!!!

kalau bisa bulan dan bintang bicara, pasti dia berkata, inilah ciptaan Tuhan. indahnya cinta mereka.. dan bulan dan bitang turut ketawa seperti aku, mat dan awang tertawa.

riney merajuk,
azeem pujuk.
aku merajuk,
siapa pujuk???

xoxo,
cintaKAYANGAN

angin,sampaikan salam cinta saya pada dia ya?

2008-04-10T09:09:00.000-07:00

Ada yang membuat hari aku tersenyum indah sehingga taman berbisik - bisik

itu cinta

Ada yang buat aku rasai langit itu indah sehingga laut menjadi kalbu

itu rindu

Ada yang mentetas semula kesuraman aku sehingga aku tidur tersenyum

itu harapan

Ada yang telah dan pun sudah membelai jiwa aku sehingga menidurkannya

itu kamu, angin..

dunia semakin cerah. bulan semakin dekat. laut semakin cetek. manusia semakin banyak. binatang habis dimakan. batu hanya di bakar. air penghilang dahaga. tumbuhan dijadikan ilham. gelap menjadi siang. cinta semakin datang.

angin, sampaikan salam cinta saya pada dia ya? katakan padanya,

"cinta ku untuknya telah aku berikan, rasa yang ada di hatiku telah aku tuangkan, semua yang ada akan ku persembahkan karena cinta untuk mu telah aku ciptakan , semua hanya untuk mu seorang."

hari ini, tika ini, aku mula menulis. menghabiskan cerita yang sudah hampir aku pinggirkan.

'maafkan aku mencintaimu'

you know you love me,

xoxo

365 amazing days we gone through...

2008-04-06T04:23:00.000-07:00

awangku mohd azrul & johanna natashah

happy anniversary my dear.

no word can explain how my heart is. i felt very happy. thanks sayang sebab ada dengan i selama ni biar susah and senang. thanks sangat-sangat.

thanks for giving me loads of joys and happiness. u completed me.

happy anniversary sayang. i will always love you.

xoxo

cintaKAYANGAN

mat mitul kapinul 'metal iron kiss' rose kajempa...

2008-03-27T02:24:00.000-07:00

"saya bersumpah dengan nama Allah, saya tak kenal langsung Tasha dan tak pernah jumpa dia. cuma kawan saja niat saya"

by mat mitul kapinul

the stories goes... 18th march, sore yang udah mau masuk waktu maghrib, me and my hubby, azrul went to louise bridal to give back flower girls punya gowns. and then, i wanted to call azeem (we about to go tawau and he said he might be lepaking for awhile at the terminal bus, so kira wanna lepak with them la). since i change my phone number, azeem's number wasnt in my new number. but mat punya ada. jadi i called mat. si mat answered the phone with such a romantic soft spoken and boleh kira macho peringkat kampung la. and i dont know kenapa datang kebodohan yang nyata saya, saya pun layan la juga si mat. kononnya mau berkenalan.

me:hello...

mat:ya hello. siapa ni?

me:ini sri nor ke?

mat:ya. aik. macam mana kamu tahu nama saya?

me:saya dapat dari somewhere la. kamu di mana? boleh berkenalan?

mat:dari mana ah kamu dapat? saya d terminal bas mau pergi tawau.

me:awh.. kampung kamu ka tawau?

mat:ya kampung saya di tawau. nama kamu siapa?

me:ahh saya Tasha.

mat:hai Tasha. kamu panggil ja saya mat(slow voice).. eh RONNIE.

there is where start kisah si TASHA and RONNIE..

Tasha and Ronnie smses, called, smsed, and called. mangsa ketawa muka merah, azeem. whenever Tasha on the phone with Ronnie, azeem automaticly had headache. haha. (padahal tahan ketawa). azeem tukang update perkembangan si ronnie. he's kinda angau and gila bayang about not-exist tasha. haha. good job azeem!

Tasha kononnya study in Cosmo. Stay at Api-api block E while Ronnie stayed at Api-api block A. hujung dengan hujung. tapi bisa jumpa di tengah-tengah. they plan a date to met up during breakfast before class at 8 (kononnya class ada jam 8). Ronnie is a person yang very hard to bangun dari tidur. but since he wanna go for FIRST BREAKFAST DATE with Tasha, he didnt sleep. 6am sudah Ronnie turun KK to meet Tasha. but di mana si Tasha? tidur d rumah! bukan di api-api, but putatan. haha. keras si ronnie tunggu si tasha. malang sungguh nasib mu ronnie. haha. so they didnt meet up at last. kecewa si ronnie. BUT, dia trip bagi tau azeem and udin that he met up with TASHA! haha. gitu la bha ko mat! wap sama ging! contunued, tasha keepin touch sama ronnie. smses and calls. until we went to bowlrama. i was smsing with ronnie, i mean tasha was smsing with ronnie. tasha and ronnie berdepan but ronnie tidak dapat SCAN yang dia sms dengan orang depan dia! haha . like always, azeem and udin tahan ketawa. just imagine, when we go for lepaking session(me, hubby,azeem and udin), si ronnie call, we loudspeaker and laugh out loud!

endingnya, ngam-ngam azeem remembered ronnie's birthday was 27march. we held on suprised birthday party yang menang surpised gila. the plan goes like this..

27thmarch - malam. rumah azeem. cake tempat udin. makanan di dhazli. tasha plan to met up ronnie that night, di rumah azeem. ronnie never dressed up that smart but that night he dressed up nice. oh ya, tasha told ronnie her birthday was also 27th march. its like they celebrating same date. haha. okay, azeem and ronnie di rumah and udin tunggu signal. me, azrul, ziela, and zed parked depan rumah si udin.

azrul called ronnie and marah-marah sebab kacau girlfriend dia. and ronnie was suprise plus terkejut. terduduk, terdiam, terpaku, terkesima, ter segala ter. they had fight on the phone la. azeem and udin membatu api di belakang si ronnie. tapi din, kau dengar dorang gaduh dari mana? sora dari depan rumah ko ka, dari hp si ronnie? haha. oaky, they fight la konon mau jumpa. si ronnie lari pergi padang. mau sattle sama the boyfriend la kononnya. sekali semua panik sebab si ronnie bertindak luar jangkaan kami. azeem and udin pergi kejar si ronnie. si azrul bawa keta pi kejar and then si ronnie pulang. still marah and panas. and tidak puas hati.

happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy burthday to mat mitul, happy birthday to you.. - cake by zed.

ronnie's face was panik, terkejut, lega, and susah la mau explain muka dia tu. haha. and he blew the candle. haha.

p/s ; mat, sampai mati ko ingat ni mat! one week punya cerita ending suprise birthday party ko. tapi ko banyak wap sama kami aaah mat. nama ronnie konon. tiada gf konon. bukit setia konon. jumpa tasha breakfast sama-sama konon. apa lagi ah? jera kau mat? haha.

i knpw the program 99% ja success tp its fun. biar pun aku terberak!! sial!

pelarian rindu, itu aku..

2008-03-14T03:38:00.000-07:00

selepas aku mengenali azrul, aku kenal erti bahagia. kenal erti sayang dan cinta. dia mengajar aku erti kehidupan. dia membentuk aku, mengubah aku. dia mendorong aku, membimbing aku. hidup aku cukup sempurna dengan dia. dia membahagiakan aku.

dulu, aku seorang yang sendiri, penuh getir and sinis. wild-party-girl. nightlife adalah hidup aku. piercing tattoos adalah sahabat aku. kenapa Tuhan menemukan aku dengan azrul andai Dia merancangkan aku dengan dia berpisah akhirnya? kenapa? kenapa menemukan kami dan memisahkan kami? dugaan demi dugaan, ujian demi ujian Kau turunkan. kenapa saat ini semua ini terjadi? kenapa saat aku bahagia, Kau rampas semuanya? hentikanlah semua ujian Mu. sungguh aku tidak berkudrat untuk menuruskannya.

aku binggung. aku runsing. aku hilang tanpa dia yang selama ini menemani aku. dia pergi, pergi membawa diri. siapa yang simpati? siapa yang mengetahui isi hati ini? aku bagai hilang arah dan bagai tak punya apa lagi. semua hilang. mungkin aku harus kembali ke hidup aku yang penuh getir dan sinis, sendiri. agar aku bisa melupakan semua kisah tentang kami.

shake it baby...

2008-03-06T23:37:00.000-08:00

kakak and adek

happy nine-th birthday

which one is kakak, and adek? i cant even know them. haha. pretty isnt it?

its the twin 9th birthday.. simple but NICE gathering party there. suprise party actually. they had been confused by the parents and family about when the exectly date. haha. funny but adorable when they been called to go out (they are inside the room), with they blurry face but HAPPY and shy-shy some more cause maybe i was there. bha. im new to the family so shy-shy cat la bha. CAKE! CANDLE! there are 18 candles on the cake (9 plus 9 equals to 18).

whats so kesian is my baby ikal is SICK. i repeat, my baby ikal. haha. he's sick for almost a week i guess. high the very high fever. so he is sleeping. and lucky to kakak and adek, the 18 candles are all your to be blow up. haha. no mr. ikal to tiup your candles. well ikal, you missed the candles session this year for kakak and adek's bithday. haha. tu la siapa suruh sakit!

wedding preparation - last minutes preparation is SUCKS. itu lagi. ini lagi. itu pulak. ini pulak. ape kes? but things goes smooths. and its fun to see load of family member came by to help. meriah rumah with those noisy-noisy. and for sure, akan ada sidang buka kitab like always. haha.

stop till here. need to get enuf rest for tomorrow.

poor you female pig...

2008-02-23T19:21:00.000-08:00

dedicated to *insert psycho's name* who is indeed rude and such a cheap street girl who sucking people's spit on the roadside.

you *insert psycho's name* getting all psycho for NOTHING! gawd. are you psychologically tidak stable or just plain bored? lets have this 'lepas geram' session. i havent said a word about you bitch, bithching about me so hah ambik kau!

you *insert psycho's name* for fucksakes, i dont go around ordering guys what to do.

i know im a nice person, and i dont talk harsh to people. but today, now, there's something you gotta hear. im freaking sick of all this assumptions. i might be crazy but im not as crazy as you, big stupid crazy clown in the ass. serious, i meant it. stop with the stupid insane rumors between me and azrul. does it give you a million dollar in hand to talk bad about my relationship? do you think i will allow you to do that? i swear to god if i hear you getting psycho for nothing again, i will track you down and give you a widgie, bitch. i hope you cleared!

thanks to zahir, azeem, zed, mat and azrul for be with me.
and sarah, you rawk!!

wish you all the best...

2008-02-22T01:43:00.000-08:00

ketika aku meneliti setiap tingkah laku kamu, aku pasrah.
mungkin ini kali, hari penghabisan kita bersua.
ya. ini hari nya.

bukan perhatian aku pinta. cuma secebis kasih.
bukan diam seribu bahasa aku inginkan. cuma sepatah ayat yang bisa buat aku tenang.

kamu diam. kamu membisu.
itu kah tanda setiap yang bermula, akan berakhir?

aku mohon kemaafan pada kamu atas setiap kata yang pernah aku ungkapkan yang bisa merobek hati kamu. aku mohon maaf juga di atas kesilapan lalu aku terhadap kamu.
terima kasih di atas layanan baik kamu terhadap aku selama ini. tanpa kamu, aku tidak akan bisa berubah seperti ini. tapi jangan pernah sekalipun salahkan diri kamu andai aku berubah menjadi seorang yang kamu tidak pernah inginkan. aku doakan kamu gembira dan bahagia selepas ini. mungkin aku bukan untukmu.

kepada sesiapa yang menjadi membaca setia blog aku, thanks. aku tidak punyai sesiapa kini untuk curahkan isi hati aku. hanya kamu semua.
and kepada semua yang mempunyai kekasih, jagalah dia sebaiknya. jangan biarkan dia merasa seperti angin di terik siang. jangan pernah biarkan dia pergi menahan sakit dan derita sendiri. di mana 'susah senang bersama?'. jangan kerana sikap kamu, dia merana. itu pesan saya. selagi berpeluang untuk perbetulkan semua, perbetulkan lah. kerna, jika tidak, dia akan pergi, dan kamu akan kembali menyendiri.

to sarahana, thanks. i appreciate all of it. u helped me out babe. thanks

valentine's 2008

2008-02-14T02:40:00.000-08:00

happy lover's day FREAK!! haha.

kepada kekasih saya, azrul ; happy valentine's day, FREAK! haha.

you mean a world to me. thanks. im happy being with you.

our anniversary is something that is much more precious and meaningful than February 14th.

and i can't wait it to come. i can't wait for my happiness to arrive.

i love you! mwax!

to my jiwa & raga ; nadia & intan, selamat hari kaseh sayang, FREAK! haha.

your friendship bring me shine again and again. i love you both to bits!

'round has no end, thats how long i wanna be your friends'

to my dumb-dumb friends ; azeem, udin, kuya, zed & mat, happy FREAK's day, FREAK! haha.

ke'dumb-dumb' kamu semua membuatkan saya riang ria setiap hari walau dikala sedih. thanks!

to kuya, we gonna miss you if we remember you la. haha.

to udin, saya tahu saya cute and mempunyai keperibadian yang baik. tidak payah puji lebih-lebih. haha.

to azeem, u touch my heart. haha. but i know who got your heart. wink wink.

'the river may dry, but our friendship will never die'

love you all people.

you rawk!

happy valentine's day

xoxofufu,

cintaKAYANGAN

p/s ; im in love with shayne ward! haha.

xoxo from kundasang...

2008-01-28T00:58:00.000-08:00

25th january 2008. kk to kundasang. zen garden resort. pine 6.
gegerl, azrul, azeem, udin, mat, z, kuya and wan.
kegilaan. kegembiraan. kebodohan. ketidak-aturan. kebingungan.

from left ; azrul. mat. azeem. z. gegerl. kuya. wan. and udin.

i missed those dumb-dumb.

azeem ; ya lah. sudah la aku hitam, tiada girlfriend.

z ; lembuuu...

udin ; yuuhuuu.. saya mau bayar.. saya mau bayar nieh. yuhuu..

mat ; tukang potong cerita and buat semua lawak bodoh yang bikin semua org sakit perut.

kuya ; proott..

wan ; sama la dia dengan si kuya. suka kentut.

azrul ; haih.. makan makan.. kuat makan.

gegerl ; tukang gambar and paling bising tidak pandai diam.

azeem sakit gigi. terbatas kegilaan yang selama ini memang gila.

z also sakit tekak tiba-tiba.

but, its was fun! seriously fun.

p/s : kononnya satu malam, jadi dua malam. haha.

2008-01-23T08:57:00.000-08:00

Love hurts...

But sometimes it's a good hurt

And it feels like I'm alive.

Love sings,

When it transcends the bad things.

Have a heart and try me,

'cause without love I won't survive.

incubus-love hurts

yes. its true that without love, i wont survive. without you, i wont survive..

please take me and release me from doubt.

im sorry for being a messed. yes, a messed. i might be not understand you well, yet enough. and i took the blame. my fault, my fault. i should be blame. im sorry about it.

but i just wanted you to know that, i needed u more than i need myself as who i am. i just cant step foward without your supports and love. you meant a lot to me. dont go, please dont go. stay here, always inside me, always near me, beside me. support me and guide me. love me and care for me. please baby, please. promise me..

to my beloved hubby, jangan marah-marah. you tak lawa if marah. senyum sayang, senyum..

thanks for joining me and my friends watch movie. i know you jealouse coz my name is there. JOHANNA.. ahaks..

to sarah, nadia and farah, i know you guys also jealouse my name was the one beautiful blonde and charming lady staying in the golden empty and lonely cage. haha. well, thanks for inviting me and azrul for the movie. i like the anthony singing 'my name' scene. haha. ngee.

to farah, still wondering, 'what happen?' haha. but u look gojas bebeh. i cant believe it was you at the first place. yeah, we wasnt that close but as i remembered, the last time i saw you was 1997? omigod. a decade! well, pretty you!

cintaKAYANGAN in love with putraKAYANGAN

geddit?

langit versus awan

2008-01-14T22:09:00.000-08:00

langit biru di simbah awan gemawan memutih, memeluk kejap seiring berlaku, biar di tempuh gelora udara, takkan merubah tingginya kesetiaan, ibarat setianya cik awan dan cik langit. jikalau cik awan bersembunyi jauhkan diri, sepilah langit rindu-rinduan..

the cuci kereta and kelapa session..
his house. with si kecik, haiqal. maen baling-baling batu di laut. cicak or ikan berkaki. tangkap ayam. back to baling batu di laut. cicak or ikan berkaki. fun and full of laugh.
'nahh chicak'
'bukan. ikan tuh. tapi ada kaki'
'chicak'
'ikan bha iqal'
'nah nah.. chicak'
'ikan bha..'
kelapa mawar. yes. air kelapa mawar. azrul petik. kopek. and saya minum. isinya, share sama iqal. nyum nyum.

i miss si kecik iqal!

dearest sarahana...

2008-01-08T00:32:00.000-08:00

to sarahana, this one for u. tidak semua love story ends with happy ending. some ends with tears. i hope you'll be okay. love hurt. thats the fact. i felt it. we felf the same. same time. ;)

namun ini adalah segala ungkapan emosi, inspirasi yg tertuang melalui keyboard. hanya ini saja yang mampu aku lakukan untuk meluahkan segala isi hati aku..

cinta bukan sekedar perkataan, bukan sekedar untaian kata tak bermakna, bukan sekadar hiasan. kenapa setiap cinta di akhiri dengan air mata? apa erti cinta sebenarnya? yang indah atau yang luka semata-mata? bukankah cinta juga satu pengorbanan?
kalau benar itu cinta yang tulus, ia ibarat kiambang berpaut. kalau kiambang dipisahkan, mereka pasti berpaut semula.

CINTAILAH seseorang itu atas dasar siapa dirinya sekarang dan bukan siapa dia sebelumnya. Malah, kisah lampau yang berlaku tidak perlu diungkit lagi sekiranya hati benar-benar menyintai dirinya. kalau miliki cinta yang terbaik, jangan sekali kali melepaskannya, nanti menyesal tak sudah.

'pabila cinta memanggilmu, ikutilah dia dengan jalan yang penuh liku'.

january seventh, two thousand eight

2008-01-07T01:24:00.000-08:00

the birthday boy look.

(more picture to be upload)

happy birthday awangku mohd azrul.
happy birthday to you baby.
awh. 21 years old. Being an adult (KIDULT i mean).

anyway, small birthday gathering in my sayang house.
its awesome. the folks are so adorable.
you folks mean the WORLD to me.
thanks to mama, bapa, abg azman, abg azhar, kak kas and who ever i didnt mention for helping me on this suprise birthday party for him. thanks alot people.

the most moment i remembered when his father talk-talk about me.
he is so cute. yes. his father is so cute.
'alhamdulillah.. terjumpa juga pak cik sama bakal menantu pak cik ni. cantik lagi. budi bahasa sopan santun. pandai si Arul tapuk girlfriend dia. nda pun dia kasi kenal. nasib kamu datang nak. kenal-kenal juga pak cik sama kamu. kalau dari dulu datang, macam keluarga sudah kita ni. girlfriend cantik pun di tapuknya. anak apa la... ma, boleh di buat menantu ni.'
still di telinga saya setiap baris kata.
well, bapa, u dont know me.. haha..
thanks for accepting me.

we had this long bacaan doa selamat for him before blowing candle. LoOOong okay.
abg azman was like 'satu buku doa la dia baca tu'
and i found it great.
selama birthday saya, i never had this bacaan doa. haha..

haikal, si kecik yang saya suka makes the cake cutting session LONG.
cause he look so desprate to blow the candles. and he was so excited then abg azman lighten the candles again for him.
'satu tahun nda tau berapa kali birthday dia ni. semua birthday orang dia pun mau juga'
mama said. kids, are the same. but its so cool being there.

sayang, happy birthday.
i hope this birthday keeps u a thousand memories. memories u and me with your family.
i love u babe. seriously..

sepi dalam gelap...

2008-01-03T23:57:00.000-08:00

kadang-kadang, aku bisa duduk dan fikir tentang apa erti semua kebahagian yang sudah aku kecapi. tapi sesuatu yang susah aku ungkapkan, malah aku sendiri tidak pasti dengan semua yang aku rasa. ibarat ada yang tidak terlihat, tapi datang menyelinap, ada yang tidak terungkap,tapi bahasa tidak perlukan kata. kalian mengerti kan? tapi aku bersyukur dengan setiap kebahagian dan kegembiraan yang di berikan oleh dia. kekasih aku.
'i sayangkan u babe. ibarat... erm... sebutir pasir ibarat satu cinta i.. kalau tak pun, seluas langit...'
luahan dia untuk aku. terpaksa? yes sebab aku membulinya. dan aku suka membulinya. and the best part when he tired been questions..
'babe.. you tanya la soalan-soalan okay tapi jangan tanya i sayang you ka tidak sebab jawapan dia, i sayang sangat dengan you. i mau tidur nih.. you tanya ja apa-apa. i jawap..'
he is so sweet. i cant imagine my life without his voice and sweet words that melts my heart..
the favourite phrase i missed ;
'mau kena ampas pakai yelopages? ka belalai gajah?'
the favourite things i love to say to him ;
'you sayang i ka tidak nih? sayang bilang...! i timbak u'
or
'you sayang i?'
'betul?'
'tipu....'
serious?'
'iya babe?'
and he will reply ; (dengan penuh sabar dan geram)
'i sayang u babe'
'betul'
'tidak tipu'
'serious bha'
'iya'
i know it sound boring to him but i just love the way he answer me.
and i know he like it...

and we just love us..
the thing called love is not too complicated,..

xoxo from us - kasih, kekasih..

2008-01-03T10:11:00.000-08:00

those pictures worth thousand meanings..

and memories..

between you & me...

the day of happiness and smile... sweet and eternity...
you are the best thing i ever had..
thank God, i found u..
hey WORLD! im deeply in love with this guy,,.

and i called it, THEA...

2007-12-31T07:05:00.000-08:00

THEA, thea...
seam's new born kitten. been looking around for the baby. all i heard is 'miow miow'. here and there. follow the voices came from. tidak jumpa-jumpa. sounds came from the rooftop. but finally last night, they showed up. two kitties died. one left. greyish black. perfect tail. and cute. and i called it THEA..

NEW YEAR COUNTDOWN!!
kepada semua teman-teman saya...
Bertambah lagi satu tahun selepas tahun-tahun yang sudah menguji hari-hari kita.Bahagialah kamu dan gembiralah kamu dengan kedatangan tahun yang baru ini.Yang ingin ku beri bukan sekadar ucapan.Yang ingin aku beri pada kamu adalah doa setulus hati.semoga Tuhan melindungi kamu serta tercapai semua angan dan cita-cita kamu.Mudah-mudahan di beri umur panjang dan sehat selama-lamanya ...

kepada kekasih hati saya...
terima kasih atas hari-hari yang indah, yang penuh suka duka dan sedih tawa.. segala yang pernah kita lalui tahun 2007 akan tetap akan jadi kenangan terhebat dalam diri saya. tidak akan mungkin saya bisa mendapatkan kenangan serupa itu lagi. hanya kerna kamu,kenangan itu tercipta dengan cukup bermakna. thanks sayang. dan saya harap tahun 2008 nanti, akan memberi kita sejuta kebahagian yang kita impikan.apa yang saya inginkan, kaseh sayang kamu yang kekal untuk saya, kejujuran antara kita, dan kesetian cinta kamu pada saya. saya janji, saya akan pelihara hubungan kita dan akan sentiasa bahagiakan kamu. kerna, kamu saja yang saya sayang dan cinta.

happy new year all! welcome to 2008. with love, me

kalau sudah cinta bersemi...

2007-12-21T06:49:00.000-08:00

kalau sudah cinta dan sayang bersemi, mula lah merasa keindahan sesebuah hubungan. tika itu lah ada yang bisa membuat perut seperti ada rama-rama berterbangan kegembiraan. ada yang bisa membuat hari-hari muram menjadi gembira dengan penuh gurauan senda tawa seperti taman yang indah di kunjungi serangga warna-warni. ada yang bisa merasa langit gelap tanpa bintang itu indah.

begitu kuatnya cinta..

sehingga ada yang sanggup menggadaikan nyawa kerna sang arjuna.
ada yang jadi gila kena dek penangan cinta.
ada yang muram dan sentiasa ditemani air mata pabila tidur kerna teringat si dewa-dewi punjanga.

semua kerna cinta...
kita menangis, ketawa..
kita sedih, gembira..

olive juice baby!

2007-12-10T05:33:00.000-08:00

tidak semua cerita cinta berakhir dengan kesedihan..
kerna aku mungkin akan kembali bahagia seperti hari kelmarin...
mungkin awan, bintang dan hujan mengerti hati aku.
mungkin pokok, burung dan unggas malam mendengar bisikku.
mungin angin membawa rinduku padanya..
terima kasih angin...
terubat sudah hati yang luka.tiada lagi kesedihan.tiada lagi kekecewaan.
yang aku tahu,hari semakin panas.disinari mentari garang cahayanya.bulan tetap ada,menyinari bumi sebelah sana.manusia kian bertambah,mempentaskan lakonan kehidupan mereka.dan aku,cinta aku semakin datang.aku kesal dengan setiap yang pernah jadi antara kita.tapi Tuhan mahukan kita tetap bersama.oh Tuhan, terima kasih kerana memberi kami peluang-Mu.

mengertikah kalian semua sekiranya aku katakan bahwa cinta itu sentiasa bahagia? dan yang luka hanya singgahan sementara?

he's in Heaven...

2007-11-14T01:28:00.000-08:00

Living his new life behind the heaven's gate ... That’s how I want to think of him. I love him too much that I hate to admit he's no longer mine...I refused to think that I’ve set a full-stop in this relationship but instead I think of him as a memory that will forever send happy tears in my book of life... When I missed him and how badly I wanted to tell him, I wrote on a paper and burnt it with a wish that he will read it. Pathetic isn't? That is the power of love that I never thought I’d knew. My hope ends there. He'll never come back and I don't have to wait with guiltiness. It's easier that way, to have a strong reason why shouldn't you wait for him to come back. Because he won’t come back, he will never come back. Yes, I will loose someone with the number that I used to dial up in the middle of the night just to kiss him good night and tells him how in the world he meant to my life. But that’s the risk I should think before I ever want to be in love. People come and go. That’s life. But I won't loose the sparks of my life that shines other's life everyday without a day missing. I won't loose my smile that hides all the pain beneath me. I won't loose the laughter with joy that never failed to lie to my heart that everything is going to be okay. I won't jump from the moving train, I won't stay forever in the train. But for now, let the train runs my way, let the train goes wherever it want to go. I'll find a right destination one day, and that one destination is the place where I will decide to come down from hahahthe train for my beginning of life... Good-bye isn't the end of my life, it is the beginning for something that I will discover someday in my precious life. Love that comes and goes isn't a true love, but a love that needs a shelter when it is lonely. Though my love means nothing to others, to me...it means everything... The love for my life will helps me to stand on my own without men to help. I will get over you someday. And that someday will be the someday you will regret... i miss you. u take care. i hope u'll get someone better than me...

love, your princess..

2007-10-14T10:22:00.000-07:00

He was my first real love, I’ve never thought that this is the feeling when you’re in love. I thought I was in love for many times before, but none of those ever sends chill to my stomach. We had our ups and downs. We cheated on each other, but the end of the day we keep on falling back to each other. There is no love that felt so good like this before. The history of us starts when we started to chat for two days on the phone, just messaging to each other as friends. One night, he we went out for dinner. first date. its was at waterfront. we drove around the town for awhile. We stopped two places though. finally after we had met up few times, And one precious night, he wants me to be his girlfriend. I wasn’t thinking much, he was just another guy in my life I thought, nothing more. Besides, I’m hurt for too long. (Seriously. I’m in love with attentions) From that moment, 070407,, I realized I have fallen in love with him. He’s the sweetest guy ever. He did a lot of things for me such as being my gay partner each single way. he wore the clothes that I picked for him and he remembered every words that came out from my mouth. He bought everything that I ever wish I want though he knows that he won’t be able to get what he wants. Along the way, I learnt how to let go my boys, I learnt to cook and dress up like a girl. (Though now I’m back to my boyish world but I’m still keeping my cooking skill) I tried not to talk so loud, and try not to talk so much. I learnt how to apologize and I learnt not to gets in fight. He changed a lot in me. He’s the grip of my life, without him I’m just a failure to this world. Hopefully, one day he can finally understand this feeling though I don’t show it often… always love you..

its love&&hate relationship...

2007-09-28T04:17:00.000-07:00

love being in love. Even if the other person doesn't have a clue, because that proves i am alive. The question is can you love someone without expecting anything back from him? Can you love someone so much without suffocating him and allowing him to be free? without binding him to a contract of a relationship? Can i be so open like that?

you complete me..
and thanks for that.. love you always..

those invisible conversation...

2007-09-15T10:00:00.000-07:00

im moving blogs. dont bother asking me for the new add.what you dont know, wont hurt you right? sorry people..

so everything started here.

or h e r e.

or here.

or h e r e.

or here.

or h e r e.

or EVEN..

here and here.

tears again? oh no

there's only two things that can make me look like im a fuckin druggie; lack of sleep and tears. there's about a hundred things that cures it, temporarily.but just one to make a miracle recovery. coz the last time, it worked. but because i had to get back, i was back to square one. all i need is enough sleep.

i missed him...

the only person that always i missed every single second is him.

wah! gw kangen amet nih sama qm! seperti hari-hari yang lalu,qm ada di sisi gw,. nemanin gw,. saat itu, kebahagian yang nga pernah gw rasain.., kerna qm ada.. makasih sayang!

ini lah erti kebahagian saat kami bersama

semua kerna cinta...

2007-09-09T02:04:00.000-07:00

tidak semua ceritera cinta bermula dengan 'once upon a time' dan berakhir dengan 'they lived happily ever after'. perkenalan setiap episod cinta semestinya bermula dengan kemanisan dan kebahagian. dan yang pasti pasti ada yang berakhir dengan keperitan dan kekecewaan.

ada cinta yang wujud dalam gelap. 'cukup lah aku lihat kau dari sudut ini. kerna, aku tidak akan biarkan kau mengetahui isi hati ini. semoga kalian bahagia'.

ada juga yang bersaksikan alam, mengikat janji. janji terpati dihati dan di situlah kebahagian itu terasa.

alangkah indahnya sekiranya setiap cinta itu kekal indah dan manis.
ataukah setiap lafaz manis itu hanya pura-pura dan sandiwara semata-mata?

di mana pengakhiran ceritera cinta?
semua orang impikan cinta mereka berakhir di jinjang pelamin.
tetapi bagaimana andai kisah mereka terhenti ibarat jam kehabisan bateri?

tidak semua cinta itu indah. Kadang-kadang bila segalanya diatur dengan sempurna, pasti ada saja dugaan dan halangan yang menimpa-seseolah keasa Tuhan menidakkannya.

lagenda cinta

8th Jan til 11th Jan 20ten

my intan...

dedicated to, *entre your name here*

colours of life

thursday until saturday

learn and remember..

fourteen of february..

tunduk dan fikir...

compromise

dulu, kini & selamanya...

friend-sheep..

sick-sigh

m.a.n.u.k.a.n

here im back!!

my jiwa & raga..

i missed those people...

saya sudah kehilangan si gendut saya

azrul said, 'semoga berbahagia. akhirnya sempurna'..

two heart beat as one

10th ramadhan..

muka dan detik keriangan bersama mantan kekasih

i miss you, and its bloody true

private blog or just let it be public?

to my no-longer-boyfriend..

kau puisi hatiku...

those wedding i went was tiring...

i miss my BFFL<333

prettymutherfuckinsweet...?

lovely day..lovely day..

im hurt..

here i come again...

shut up, get LOST and go to HELL!

terindah di indah permai....

angin,sampaikan salam cinta saya pada dia ya?

365 amazing days we gone through...

mat mitul kapinul 'metal iron kiss' rose kajempa...

pelarian rindu, itu aku..

shake it baby...

poor you female pig...

wish you all the best...

valentine's 2008

xoxo from kundasang...

langit versus awan

dearest sarahana...

january seventh, two thousand eight

sepi dalam gelap...

xoxo from us - kasih, kekasih..

and i called it, THEA...

kalau sudah cinta bersemi...

olive juice baby!

he's in Heaven...

love, your princess..

its love&&hate relationship...

those invisible conversation...

semua kerna cinta...

dedicated to, entre your name here