i missed those people...

azrul talk to me. about his conversation with azeem. and it makes me cry.

the memories...

the bowling session...

azeem makan maggi in my room..

udin playing my eyeliner...

the dialogs that i missed the most..

azeem : 'uinah ging...',, 'macam anjing-anjing',, 'panjang jangan sebut ah',, 'punyaaa sandi ko ging'.

udin : 'mat, peler ko pindik macam ni ja kan?'

mat : 'mati la. mati la'

i missed them all. seriously. i miss them. so much.

azeem, mat, udin, zed, memei, riney, and all of them la. zen people.

saya sudah kehilangan si gendut saya

dear azrul.. i wanna tell u the whole thing when times come but u knew it earlier. so im sorry. i thought u said u dont love me so, make a move then. haha. bah bah. friends is forever bah. kau nak jadik kawan, aku tak kesah.. we rawk!!

endang!! kak izan is sooo gempak siot! haha. nah nah.. girlfriend si azrul dah ader boyfriend baru siot! haha. ex-girlfriend. dowh. anyway, kak izan, you rawk!! bia pun aku tukar link, kamu sungguh celik IT sehingga menjumpai aku! haha.. tinggal si endang dengan gendutnya. aku punya gendut nda lama lagi kurus tu. nda sudah gendut. si badak sudah tiada gajahnya.. si gemuk tiada sudah si gendutnya. woohoo..

iam not in a mood of blogging but hey people.. i love you all!! kepada semua yang membaca, terima kaseh!!

p/s : kak izan, drop bah komen! haha

azrul said, 'semoga berbahagia. akhirnya sempurna'..

ღmiss tanashah and mr bobღ

he's my sunshine. and he made me soo happy in the morning and night. he made me so absolutely happy and its not funny anymore. and my life seemed so worth it. i love him. and i meant it. and we im happy. we happy i think. dont u happy syg? haha.

and when i remembered, friends said, 'u'll find someone better.someone much better than awang. trust me.' or, 'forget azrul la babe. he's not belongs to you.' NOW i realize that its true. there is someone for me. and i found it! wahaha. so thanks for your friendster shout out azrul. u such a nice guy ever!! haha. well, at least all my questions about my friendship with azrul, answered!! kadang-kadangkan, saya sendiri bingung what the hell he need from me again. after things happened. so please just go, if you read this. im so tired be next to you. maybe im not a nice friend. im sorry. Things have been hard. Things have been driving me crazy.Things have been changing. and im changing. Frustrate you. Kill you. Ruin you. Ruin the friendship. wasnt my fault. and wasnt me to be blame. ask yourself. all i know now is im happy. im happy without you. seriously. oh, even if i havent meet abg bob. still im happy without you. so if you wanna be friend, be good kerana, aku sungguh pening melayan kerenah kamu! saya penat! If I dont make your heart skip a beat, then hate me. haha.

SO ITS THE TIME TO LET THE PAST STOP, HURTING ME!

two heart beat as one

introducing, mr. khafez. hoho.

p/s : sorry to abang cause i took this picture. haha. fyi people, this pic may be a year but he still look the same.

okay, here's the story. he's been MISSING, for SEVEN YEARS and finally with the help of God and Iffa's laundry assigment, we meet up. and i think we in love. love?? yeah, i guess so. is that we called FATE and DISTANY? is it JODOH? OR TAKDIR like our sms conversation about TAKDIR and stuff. i do believe in jodoh and takdir. and i do believe in US.

okay, some people, be ashame to fall in love. but when they missed that someone that much. they will can never deny thay they in love. love cant be force. they will come naturally. like us. the love came naturally. haha. conclusion, i love him and he love me too. insya Allah dengan doa kami berdua, we can get thru all of it and be happily ever after. haha.

10th ramadhan..

its been 2 fcukken years i havent meet miss linda. and she called. and we meet up. just a while but it was great.

and here's picture encek wan and me. we had our breaking fastwith miss ayu too. she's adorable girl. very sweet and pretty. hoho.

the breaking fast was okay and abg bob joining us a while. awh. i missed him. haha.

muka dan detik keriangan bersama mantan kekasih

we doing just FINE and GREAT..

people, meet azREPUBLIC. my soulmate. my bestfriend. my love??

okay, today was our second time breaking fast two-gether. it was fun and good. told you, we doing just FINE and GREAT. did i mention that we had our break fast at Sate Mesra last year on the third day of Ramadhan? this year same place but its was on the fifth day. Buffet. haha. it was FUN to see he ate a lot. senang hati woo. okay and today, seventh day of fasting we had our lamb chop session. oh ya, before that we spend our stupid crazy hours jalan-jalan tengok keretas (with S means more than one). until end up at TAMPARULI. yes, tamparuli, i repeat. crazy bha. but we had fun. pictures snappings. laughing. singing. lawak ketidak-atururan. its was FUN! then, we went to one borneo for windows shopping. he's trying this cloths and that. looking this stuffs and that. trying perfums this and that. haha. so thats for today. we doin just fine.

and he sang for me...

'hey wanita,gembira dapat berjumpa,teringat kembali kali pertama kita bersua,ingat bila kita bersepatu serupa,tak lama dahulu jangan kau kata kau dah lupa.gemuk,dirimu buat ku tertarik,menghilang segala prasangka,di jiwa,ohh gemuk,sungguh aku cinta kamu'

fyi,, i miss him. haha

i miss you, and its bloody true

i need HELP and opinion people. should i keep in touch with him, ...theloveofmylife or just stay away and run hide from him?? actually, im afraid BAD things happened again. like the night i was at his house. freak me alot. i really dont want it to happen again! serious shit!! but i missed him. haha. come on people, i've been thinging, wondering, dreaming about him for the past two months. i'd cried myself to sleep. yes until now. pethatic bha kau pikir!!

so i just need your opinion about ;-

'SHOULD I KEEP IN TOUCH WITH HIM OR JUST STAY AWAY, RUN AND HIDE FROM HIM'

I think, i'm going to go BEZERK. i spent my ENTIRE NIGHT last night thinking what had happened to me and my ...theloveofmylife. seriously i keep wondering and thinking things again and again. what the fuck is happening? why this happened? stupid me. remorsed and regrets! wtf!

my ...loveofmylife was sick last night. he had this red eyes crap. and guess what? i brought him to permai policlinic. ya ya. stupid me. i missed him thats all. thats the only way i could see him. God listen to my heart. what i asked was only he dail my number so that i can listen to his voice. but God really loves us. God wont tortures people's feeling. so He met us up! haha. Thanks God for that. haha. okay, then after the clinic session, we had our lepak session at Rimba Sutera. just a glass of ice tea with lemon (isnt it ice lemon tea?). and he had talk. it was fun to see him. smiling. laughing. and he doesnt look SICK! haha. ya ya. red eyes. come on people, just tell him that i am the 'penawar'. haha. we went to mc donald drive thru and get some bites. ronda-ronda kingfisher cari abg bob's laundry and cyber cafe. urgh. but was okay la. we found plenty laundries. and zero cyber cafe. anyway its 12 fucking AM. and we went back at 1.30AM.

i missed him already. breath in breath out.

i don't realise, but i let let myself hurting me so badly inside. so badly that sometimes i just feel that you don't have the same feelings towards me anymore. and i sometimes, i feel like it's better if we dont see each other, call or smses. but i don't want to, cause that wouldn't only hurt you (maybe) but it will hurt me deeply. cause i'll be missing you so bad. i miss you voice. it will scar my heart, forever. so now, i'm bearing with it. i'm trying to learn to accept the fact that's we just the way we are. & i fallen with who you are, that line is puree. it's just bringing you trouble. well, it's my lost, i'm not going to be bugged about it, just a waste of my time. and i can't change the fact that you still 'HATES' me. I THINK MY HEART HAS STOPPED BEATING. more like "i think my heart has just started BLEEDING again". it hurts. it hurts alot.
but i guess i can't do anything about it. unless you tell me what you want in me. but maybe, i won't change. cause life worth nothing to me anymore.

I'm just sorry. for anything. i've done. i guess. and. yeah.

**sor·ry play_w adj. sor·ri·er, sor·ri·est

*1. Feeling or expressing sympathy, pity, or regret: I'm sorry I'm late.
2. Worthless or inferior; paltry: a sorry excuse.
3. Causing sorrow, grief, or misfortune; grievous: a sorry development

i'm an emotional wreck.

freak. i hate you i hate you i hate you. Can't imagine that we are over. it's over. its been two months? Fcuk you, i'm pissed and stressed out. i need a massage. message from you. argh. pethatic!!

well, overall, my life is just screwed up.yes it is. DEFINITELY. so help me. *sarcasm*sigh

private blog or just let it be public?

dear friends and readers,

i had this anonymous who actually comments my blog, recently. and i think those word a harsh!
so, tell me, should i just keep this blog public or private to people i invites and approve only.
drop your comment. its help. thanks.

to anonymous, thanks for the comment. why dont you put your name instead of anonymous?? dont you dare?? wtf!!

the 3rd day of fasting was okay lah. wasnt that bad after all. but i missed those time last year where me and him spending this fasting month together. haha. 3rd day 2007 fasting, we end up break fast at satay mesra, city mall. and i remembered, he ate A LOT!!. i still remember it. whoa.. gilak nie! but memories rawk. and pethatic!! like sara said, im not like Johanna she knew. im no more talkative. silence all the way. haha.
me and my friends *name sencored*, went to bazaar ramadhan buying food for us. and suddenly i said to my girlfriend, 'babe, ni makanan favourite awang. yong tau foo. he like to eat this.' haha. am i that pethatic? omg. pergh. i can even forget about him. help!!!

i had this conversation with a friend of mine, i spent basicly 6 hours talking about feelings and how regretful i am. im tired crying for 2 amazing pethatic months. believe it, i've been crying everyday dowh! crazy as fakk! I dont know how write more interesting posts,it just comes down to how much.how happy i am being with the one i called ...loveofmylife.

my wish, please God. makes him call me. i miss his voice.

TELL ME HOW TO GET RID OF HIM!! PLEASE!

to my no-longer-boyfriend..

to the one i used to called ...loveofmylife
u came into my life,

brings those happiness, loves and cares. the shine that brights my dark life. but my heart always questions myself. are you my distany? are you the one? are you? a million questions in mind. do i always make you happy? am i happy? yes i am happy being with you. but will the happiness last? i think it will. happy forever with you and me.

but, now you're gone. heavenly gone. just leaves me with thousands memories. sweet memories. bitter one too. thanks for those memories. ;) but i always wish for us to be us like we used to be.

now i realize, the fates that i need to face. the one i need to go through. and i know that you wasnt the one for me. wasnt the one. you belongs to that someone who much better. thousand more better than me. i could cry an hour. crying myself to sleep. remorse. regrets. but hey, shits happened.

hey, i hope you'll always be happy. with who ever the girl is. the one you loves. and care.

p/s : sorry friends. i just expressing my heart out. wahaha. luahkan sesuatu bisa melegakan kan?

xoxo,

misstaNashah

kau puisi hatiku...

DOA SEORANG KEKASIH
TUHANKU,seandainya telah kau catat dia mlikku,tercipta buatku, dekatkanlah dia padakusatu kan hatinya dengan hatiku.titipkan kemesraan antara kami agar kebahagiaan ini abadi,dan tuhanku YANG MAHA PENGASIH,seiringkanlah kami dalam melayari hidup ke tepian yang sejahtera.. tetapi tuhanku,seandainya telah engkau takdirkan dia bukan milikku,bawalah dia jauh dari pandanganku.luput dari ingatanku dan peliharakanlah diriku dari kecewanya.tuhanku YANG MAHA MENGERTI,berilah diriku kekuatan melontar bayangannya ke dada langit,hilang bersama senja merah dan gelap pekat malam agar aku rasa bahagia walalupun tanpa dirinya dan tuhanku YANG TERCINTA,gantikanlah yang telah hilang tumbuhkanlah kembali yang telah patah meskipun tiada sama dengan dirinya seandainya dia datang menemuiku dan cinta itu adalah cinta yang sejati dan suci seandainya dia pergi dan tiada menemuiku dan anggaplah cinta itu tidak wujud dari awal..

those wedding i went was tiring...

i went to alot of people's wedding in this week. like alot!

and i did went to my exbf wedding as well. haha. sound weird but its true. helping his family preparation and stuff. omg. he's cute. still. haha. but they look soooo adorable. and nice. plus cute. and beautiful. haha. will upload some of OUR pic soon.

here some of those photos taken from the wedding i took.

this is me and my junior back in high school. kie. kak lyn my senior in high school.

and the pengantin! abg roy and nurain.

pretty isnt it? anyway, life sucks. haha. meeting people oso plain bored. but fun la. those chicks was crazy! updates later. xoxo

i miss my BFFL<333

nombre 1 ; i missed azrul.

nombre 2 ; i missed sara.

nombre 3 ; i missed ziela.

nombre 4 & 5 ; i missed nadia & intan.

i missed my BFFL.best friendsforeverlove. *cough* especially nombre 2,3,4 & 5. the nombre 1, i seen him almost everyday. so not much miss-miss one la. and si PUTRI. putri bha kan sara? haha.

hope to see you all soon.

xoxo, cikKAYANGAN

prettymutherfuckinsweet...?

So at the moment, life has been prettymutherfuckinsweet. I cant explain it, theres just too much going on to sum it all up.Its just simple and great just the way i like it, with the exception of some missing people.Missing the ...loveofmylife (mr az) & my jiwa&&raga (nadia&&intan). and maybe the zen garden's people. maybe. ;)

It hurts how much I have lost myself. will get him back, i hope.So, its complicated.We have our own issues.
Its a truthful world.He makes my heart beat so fast its not funny anymore<3
Memories, blame, hurt.

Everytime I think about you, I just think about how much we had hurts.Im getting my life back on track, and sometimes when that happens, you have to leave everything behind.everything.
Things have been hard.
Things have been driving me crazy.
Things have been changing me.
Its hard to explain the relationships me have with people.To define them.When they're not around,or when they're too close.
You learn different sides. Like when you get really close to someone, u see their soft side-their untouched side, the side that will open up yourself towards them.The side that gets you thinking oh wow.The side that makes u feel the happiness of getting to be their friend.
And the side that breaks you down.The one where you get too close, and you learn their bad habits.Which annoy you. Frustrate you. Kill you.Ruin you. Ruin the friendship.
*sigh*
i wish there was something;
i could do to be able to make me feel useful.
im sorry,
that i cant do anything more.
i feel bad,
that i can do anything about it.

im in a deep mess, a hole, a big damn problem.and i cant get out.choose your friends; eliminate ur enemies.help out others; get ur heart broken.

now you can tell betweenthe traitors and the fakers

lovely day..lovely day..

today, me and my beloved ex-boyfriend ( dont laugh ) we went out. yes. after a month we havent meet or call. we met up. it's kinda funny but we still the 'great, great, great good friend'. well, i never thought that that im this strong to see him. BUT I DID! im stronger than yesterday. yeay! haha. im happy. im greatful. and im full of happiness. haha. we spent 6 hours together. haha. i cant stop laughing. and i miss him already. waaahhh!

we go papar, which is FAR from kk. doing stuff some works there at papar. and had our lunch together. wee.. haha. coffee friends, the lunch spot. we talked alot. we laugh alot. we talked and laugh alot. it was fun weh! haha.

kita ging bha kan ging??

xoxo,
cikKAYANGAN

im hurt..

darkness cannot drive out darkness. only light can do that.

hate cannot drive hate, only love can do that.

when u love someone, and you have to let him go, its hurt.
especially the one who give you too much hope and love, cares and faiths.

kepada awangku mohd azrul,
biarpun apa pun yang terjadi, saya tetap sayang and terus sayang kamu. you know that.
jangan berasa sunyi, kerna hati saya juga begitu. sedih, sendiri dan sunyi. mana mungkin bisa hati ini tenang tanpa kamu. just wanna let you know, i love you to death. ;)

jaga diri kamu, andai tiada khabar dari saya.

here i come again...

i was so fcuking busy with works and stuff lately. plus my streamyx line is now suspended. congrates.

i met someone new. a girl. nice and pleasent attitude. good. and adorable. she loves pink. name? secret. haha. well, i just spent few minutes reading her blog. topic. 'bercinta?' haha. its sounds like she's telling people who were non-single stop pretending that u are single. haha. i love this babe. i love her. well, it is true, if u owned someone, tell. dont just keep it behind. kononnya mau cari pacaran lain. gitu? haha. actually i met this adorable babe from a crisis between my hubbie and me last month. but things goes smooths now. alhamdulillah... I think Im just too weak hearted, and think mostly its coz my heart cant take the break. phew..
kepada kalian semua, bilangin donk kalau udah punya cowok atau cewek. kok diam!

Just because im so effin sick today that its not funny,that i will do this. Which i usually dont. having PMwith extra SSS is sucks!

i missed my hubbie. biarpun dinner sama-sama, but i missed him already. ;(
It makes me happy that my shuffling makes others happy as well. its hard to explain. being with him was awesome. and im happy. he's like hot chocolate in the morning, and milk at late night. he's too cute for words, Too gorgeous for pictures, and the best love i could ever have. i sayang u gundut!! And my secret love's no secret anymore.

okay, something about FRIENDSHIP here. where are the person u called friends? kadang-kadang ada. kadang-kadang tiada. hilang? ya, ada yang sibuk bercinta. sampai no more hang out like we always had. sms? no reply, he said. call? no answer he said. gone. orang ada girlfriend. biasa la. haha. well, happy for you. smoga kekal. amin.

xoxo, gerl

shut up, get LOST and go to HELL!

Im not fighting back anymore. Im not fighting for faith. The faith i always believed in someone has GONE.
So Im not asking for another chance. And Im not asking for a movie moment.I just want you to know that what you're doing really makes me goes crazy.
So in 1, 2, 3 days from now you can look back at this smiling,
not ever ever EVER regretting or thinking what if.
and i hope u wont regret anything.

YOU SCREWED ME OVER, MOFO!!
im still pissed off at you.im still ready to cut you into pieces.i must say though,you did have me at hello.

now, today, my life has changed. my heart has broken into pieces. and thanks to you!
ya ya, sebab kau memang tak pernah mengerti! go to HELL!

im sooooo sick of being hurt.

terindah di indah permai....

Aku yang pernah engkau kuatkan
Aku yang pernah kau bangkitkan
Aku yang pernah kau beri rasa
Saat ku terjaga
Hingga ku terlelap nanti
Selama itu aku akan selalu mengingatmu
Kapan lagi kutulis untukmu
Tulisan-tulisan indahku yang dulu
Pernah warnai dunia
Puisi terindah ku hanya untukmu
Mungkinkah kau kan kembali lagi
Menemaniku menulis lagi
Kita arungi bersama
Puisi terindahku hanya untukmu

song dedicated to azeeeeem and riney. the love.

riney merajuk!!!
azeem pujuk!!
aku merajuk!!
sepa pujuk??

huh.
dunia, dunia.
andai bisa bicara, ingin aku khabarkan cerita terindah malam ini.
biar semua tertawa riang, bagai bulan terang, bintang menyinar..
aku pati bulan dan bintang juga akan tertawa melihat mereka.
azeem & riney.

riney : open the gate
azeem : *diam*
riney : i said, buka the pagar. i mau balik.
gerl : im going with u kay?
riney : nda la. u suruh si azeem hantar la. buka la pagar.
azeem : riney, pls...
riney : buka pagar!
azeem : *buka pagar* (bodoh kan?)
riney jalan dalam hujan. masuk kereta.
bulan dan bintang, bisa kalian lihat?? inilah kenangan indah malam ini...
gerl : zeem, p la ko pujuk. dia belum start keta lg tu. dia minta pujuk tu!
azeem : *jalan kuar pagar, p keta riney, si cinta hati*

one hour later,,
pap!! (bunyi keta punya pintu) 2 kali!

wat we saw is riney and azeem going back to the house...
the LOVE is back!!!

kalau bisa bulan dan bintang bicara, pasti dia berkata, inilah ciptaan Tuhan. indahnya cinta mereka.. dan bulan dan bitang turut ketawa seperti aku, mat dan awang tertawa.

riney merajuk,
azeem pujuk.
aku merajuk,
siapa pujuk???

xoxo,
cintaKAYANGAN

angin,sampaikan salam cinta saya pada dia ya?

Ada yang membuat hari aku tersenyum indah sehingga taman berbisik - bisik

itu cinta

Ada yang buat aku rasai langit itu indah sehingga laut menjadi kalbu

itu rindu

Ada yang mentetas semula kesuraman aku sehingga aku tidur tersenyum

itu harapan

Ada yang telah dan pun sudah membelai jiwa aku sehingga menidurkannya

itu kamu, angin..

dunia semakin cerah. bulan semakin dekat. laut semakin cetek. manusia semakin banyak. binatang habis dimakan. batu hanya di bakar. air penghilang dahaga. tumbuhan dijadikan ilham. gelap menjadi siang. cinta semakin datang.

angin, sampaikan salam cinta saya pada dia ya? katakan padanya,

"cinta ku untuknya telah aku berikan, rasa yang ada di hatiku telah aku tuangkan, semua yang ada akan ku persembahkan karena cinta untuk mu telah aku ciptakan , semua hanya untuk mu seorang."

hari ini, tika ini, aku mula menulis. menghabiskan cerita yang sudah hampir aku pinggirkan.

'maafkan aku mencintaimu'

you know you love me,

xoxo

365 amazing days we gone through...

awangku mohd azrul & johanna natashah

happy anniversary my dear.

no word can explain how my heart is. i felt very happy. thanks sayang sebab ada dengan i selama ni biar susah and senang. thanks sangat-sangat.

thanks for giving me loads of joys and happiness. u completed me.

happy anniversary sayang. i will always love you.

xoxo

cintaKAYANGAN