poor you female pig...

dedicated to *insert psycho's name* who is indeed rude and such a cheap street girl who sucking people's spit on the roadside.

you *insert psycho's name* getting all psycho for NOTHING! gawd. are you psychologically tidak stable or just plain bored? lets have this 'lepas geram' session. i havent said a word about you bitch, bithching about me so hah ambik kau!

you *insert psycho's name* for fucksakes, i dont go around ordering guys what to do.

i know im a nice person, and i dont talk harsh to people. but today, now, there's something you gotta hear. im freaking sick of all this assumptions. i might be crazy but im not as crazy as you, big stupid crazy clown in the ass. serious, i meant it. stop with the stupid insane rumors between me and azrul. does it give you a million dollar in hand to talk bad about my relationship? do you think i will allow you to do that? i swear to god if i hear you getting psycho for nothing again, i will track you down and give you a widgie, bitch. i hope you cleared!

thanks to zahir, azeem, zed, mat and azrul for be with me.
and sarah, you rawk!!

wish you all the best...

ketika aku meneliti setiap tingkah laku kamu, aku pasrah.
mungkin ini kali, hari penghabisan kita bersua.
ya. ini hari nya.

bukan perhatian aku pinta. cuma secebis kasih.
bukan diam seribu bahasa aku inginkan. cuma sepatah ayat yang bisa buat aku tenang.

kamu diam. kamu membisu.
itu kah tanda setiap yang bermula, akan berakhir?

aku mohon kemaafan pada kamu atas setiap kata yang pernah aku ungkapkan yang bisa merobek hati kamu. aku mohon maaf juga di atas kesilapan lalu aku terhadap kamu.
terima kasih di atas layanan baik kamu terhadap aku selama ini. tanpa kamu, aku tidak akan bisa berubah seperti ini. tapi jangan pernah sekalipun salahkan diri kamu andai aku berubah menjadi seorang yang kamu tidak pernah inginkan. aku doakan kamu gembira dan bahagia selepas ini. mungkin aku bukan untukmu.

kepada sesiapa yang menjadi membaca setia blog aku, thanks. aku tidak punyai sesiapa kini untuk curahkan isi hati aku. hanya kamu semua.
and kepada semua yang mempunyai kekasih, jagalah dia sebaiknya. jangan biarkan dia merasa seperti angin di terik siang. jangan pernah biarkan dia pergi menahan sakit dan derita sendiri. di mana 'susah senang bersama?'. jangan kerana sikap kamu, dia merana. itu pesan saya. selagi berpeluang untuk perbetulkan semua, perbetulkan lah. kerna, jika tidak, dia akan pergi, dan kamu akan kembali menyendiri.

to sarahana, thanks. i appreciate all of it. u helped me out babe. thanks

valentine's 2008

happy lover's day FREAK!! haha.

kepada kekasih saya, azrul ; happy valentine's day, FREAK! haha.

you mean a world to me. thanks. im happy being with you.

our anniversary is something that is much more precious and meaningful than February 14th.

and i can't wait it to come. i can't wait for my happiness to arrive.

i love you! mwax!

to my jiwa & raga ; nadia & intan, selamat hari kaseh sayang, FREAK! haha.

your friendship bring me shine again and again. i love you both to bits!

'round has no end, thats how long i wanna be your friends'

to my dumb-dumb friends ; azeem, udin, kuya, zed & mat, happy FREAK's day, FREAK! haha.

ke'dumb-dumb' kamu semua membuatkan saya riang ria setiap hari walau dikala sedih. thanks!

to kuya, we gonna miss you if we remember you la. haha.

to udin, saya tahu saya cute and mempunyai keperibadian yang baik. tidak payah puji lebih-lebih. haha.

to azeem, u touch my heart. haha. but i know who got your heart. wink wink.

'the river may dry, but our friendship will never die'

love you all people.

you rawk!

happy valentine's day

xoxofufu,

cintaKAYANGAN

p/s ; im in love with shayne ward! haha.

xoxo from kundasang...

25th january 2008. kk to kundasang. zen garden resort. pine 6.
gegerl, azrul, azeem, udin, mat, z, kuya and wan.
kegilaan. kegembiraan. kebodohan. ketidak-aturan. kebingungan.

from left ; azrul. mat. azeem. z. gegerl. kuya. wan. and udin.

i missed those dumb-dumb.

azeem ; ya lah. sudah la aku hitam, tiada girlfriend.

z ; lembuuu...

udin ; yuuhuuu.. saya mau bayar.. saya mau bayar nieh. yuhuu..

mat ; tukang potong cerita and buat semua lawak bodoh yang bikin semua org sakit perut.

kuya ; proott..

wan ; sama la dia dengan si kuya. suka kentut.

azrul ; haih.. makan makan.. kuat makan.

gegerl ; tukang gambar and paling bising tidak pandai diam.

azeem sakit gigi. terbatas kegilaan yang selama ini memang gila.

z also sakit tekak tiba-tiba.

but, its was fun! seriously fun.

p/s : kononnya satu malam, jadi dua malam. haha.

Love hurts...

But sometimes it's a good hurt

And it feels like I'm alive.

Love sings,

When it transcends the bad things.

Have a heart and try me,

'cause without love I won't survive.

incubus-love hurts

yes. its true that without love, i wont survive. without you, i wont survive..

please take me and release me from doubt.

im sorry for being a messed. yes, a messed. i might be not understand you well, yet enough. and i took the blame. my fault, my fault. i should be blame. im sorry about it.

but i just wanted you to know that, i needed u more than i need myself as who i am. i just cant step foward without your supports and love. you meant a lot to me. dont go, please dont go. stay here, always inside me, always near me, beside me. support me and guide me. love me and care for me. please baby, please. promise me..

to my beloved hubby, jangan marah-marah. you tak lawa if marah. senyum sayang, senyum..

thanks for joining me and my friends watch movie. i know you jealouse coz my name is there. JOHANNA.. ahaks..

to sarah, nadia and farah, i know you guys also jealouse my name was the one beautiful blonde and charming lady staying in the golden empty and lonely cage. haha. well, thanks for inviting me and azrul for the movie. i like the anthony singing 'my name' scene. haha. ngee.

to farah, still wondering, 'what happen?' haha. but u look gojas bebeh. i cant believe it was you at the first place. yeah, we wasnt that close but as i remembered, the last time i saw you was 1997? omigod. a decade! well, pretty you!

cintaKAYANGAN in love with putraKAYANGAN

geddit?

langit versus awan

langit biru di simbah awan gemawan memutih, memeluk kejap seiring berlaku, biar di tempuh gelora udara, takkan merubah tingginya kesetiaan, ibarat setianya cik awan dan cik langit. jikalau cik awan bersembunyi jauhkan diri, sepilah langit rindu-rinduan..

the cuci kereta and kelapa session..
his house. with si kecik, haiqal. maen baling-baling batu di laut. cicak or ikan berkaki. tangkap ayam. back to baling batu di laut. cicak or ikan berkaki. fun and full of laugh.
'nahh chicak'
'bukan. ikan tuh. tapi ada kaki'
'chicak'
'ikan bha iqal'
'nah nah.. chicak'
'ikan bha..'
kelapa mawar. yes. air kelapa mawar. azrul petik. kopek. and saya minum. isinya, share sama iqal. nyum nyum.

i miss si kecik iqal!

dearest sarahana...

to sarahana, this one for u. tidak semua love story ends with happy ending. some ends with tears. i hope you'll be okay. love hurt. thats the fact. i felt it. we felf the same. same time. ;)

namun ini adalah segala ungkapan emosi, inspirasi yg tertuang melalui keyboard. hanya ini saja yang mampu aku lakukan untuk meluahkan segala isi hati aku..

cinta bukan sekedar perkataan, bukan sekedar untaian kata tak bermakna, bukan sekadar hiasan. kenapa setiap cinta di akhiri dengan air mata? apa erti cinta sebenarnya? yang indah atau yang luka semata-mata? bukankah cinta juga satu pengorbanan?
kalau benar itu cinta yang tulus, ia ibarat kiambang berpaut. kalau kiambang dipisahkan, mereka pasti berpaut semula.

CINTAILAH seseorang itu atas dasar siapa dirinya sekarang dan bukan siapa dia sebelumnya. Malah, kisah lampau yang berlaku tidak perlu diungkit lagi sekiranya hati benar-benar menyintai dirinya. kalau miliki cinta yang terbaik, jangan sekali kali melepaskannya, nanti menyesal tak sudah.

'pabila cinta memanggilmu, ikutilah dia dengan jalan yang penuh liku'.

january seventh, two thousand eight

the birthday boy look.

(more picture to be upload)

happy birthday awangku mohd azrul.
happy birthday to you baby.
awh. 21 years old. Being an adult (KIDULT i mean).

anyway, small birthday gathering in my sayang house.
its awesome. the folks are so adorable.
you folks mean the WORLD to me.
thanks to mama, bapa, abg azman, abg azhar, kak kas and who ever i didnt mention for helping me on this suprise birthday party for him. thanks alot people.

the most moment i remembered when his father talk-talk about me.
he is so cute. yes. his father is so cute.
'alhamdulillah.. terjumpa juga pak cik sama bakal menantu pak cik ni. cantik lagi. budi bahasa sopan santun. pandai si Arul tapuk girlfriend dia. nda pun dia kasi kenal. nasib kamu datang nak. kenal-kenal juga pak cik sama kamu. kalau dari dulu datang, macam keluarga sudah kita ni. girlfriend cantik pun di tapuknya. anak apa la... ma, boleh di buat menantu ni.'
still di telinga saya setiap baris kata.
well, bapa, u dont know me.. haha..
thanks for accepting me.

we had this long bacaan doa selamat for him before blowing candle. LoOOong okay.
abg azman was like 'satu buku doa la dia baca tu'
and i found it great.
selama birthday saya, i never had this bacaan doa. haha..

haikal, si kecik yang saya suka makes the cake cutting session LONG.
cause he look so desprate to blow the candles. and he was so excited then abg azman lighten the candles again for him.
'satu tahun nda tau berapa kali birthday dia ni. semua birthday orang dia pun mau juga'
mama said. kids, are the same. but its so cool being there.

sayang, happy birthday.
i hope this birthday keeps u a thousand memories. memories u and me with your family.
i love u babe. seriously..

sepi dalam gelap...

kadang-kadang, aku bisa duduk dan fikir tentang apa erti semua kebahagian yang sudah aku kecapi. tapi sesuatu yang susah aku ungkapkan, malah aku sendiri tidak pasti dengan semua yang aku rasa. ibarat ada yang tidak terlihat, tapi datang menyelinap, ada yang tidak terungkap,tapi bahasa tidak perlukan kata. kalian mengerti kan? tapi aku bersyukur dengan setiap kebahagian dan kegembiraan yang di berikan oleh dia. kekasih aku.
'i sayangkan u babe. ibarat... erm... sebutir pasir ibarat satu cinta i.. kalau tak pun, seluas langit...'
luahan dia untuk aku. terpaksa? yes sebab aku membulinya. dan aku suka membulinya. and the best part when he tired been questions..
'babe.. you tanya la soalan-soalan okay tapi jangan tanya i sayang you ka tidak sebab jawapan dia, i sayang sangat dengan you. i mau tidur nih.. you tanya ja apa-apa. i jawap..'
he is so sweet. i cant imagine my life without his voice and sweet words that melts my heart..
the favourite phrase i missed ;
'mau kena ampas pakai yelopages? ka belalai gajah?'
the favourite things i love to say to him ;
'you sayang i ka tidak nih? sayang bilang...! i timbak u'
or
'you sayang i?'
'betul?'
'tipu....'
serious?'
'iya babe?'
and he will reply ; (dengan penuh sabar dan geram)
'i sayang u babe'
'betul'
'tidak tipu'
'serious bha'
'iya'
i know it sound boring to him but i just love the way he answer me.
and i know he like it...

and we just love us..
the thing called love is not too complicated,..

xoxo from us - kasih, kekasih..

those pictures worth thousand meanings..

and memories..

between you & me...

the day of happiness and smile... sweet and eternity...
you are the best thing i ever had..
thank God, i found u..
hey WORLD! im deeply in love with this guy,,.

and i called it, THEA...

THEA, thea...
seam's new born kitten. been looking around for the baby. all i heard is 'miow miow'. here and there. follow the voices came from. tidak jumpa-jumpa. sounds came from the rooftop. but finally last night, they showed up. two kitties died. one left. greyish black. perfect tail. and cute. and i called it THEA..

NEW YEAR COUNTDOWN!!
kepada semua teman-teman saya...
Bertambah lagi satu tahun selepas tahun-tahun yang sudah menguji hari-hari kita.Bahagialah kamu dan gembiralah kamu dengan kedatangan tahun yang baru ini.Yang ingin ku beri bukan sekadar ucapan.Yang ingin aku beri pada kamu adalah doa setulus hati.semoga Tuhan melindungi kamu serta tercapai semua angan dan cita-cita kamu.Mudah-mudahan di beri umur panjang dan sehat selama-lamanya ...

kepada kekasih hati saya...
terima kasih atas hari-hari yang indah, yang penuh suka duka dan sedih tawa.. segala yang pernah kita lalui tahun 2007 akan tetap akan jadi kenangan terhebat dalam diri saya. tidak akan mungkin saya bisa mendapatkan kenangan serupa itu lagi. hanya kerna kamu,kenangan itu tercipta dengan cukup bermakna. thanks sayang. dan saya harap tahun 2008 nanti, akan memberi kita sejuta kebahagian yang kita impikan.apa yang saya inginkan, kaseh sayang kamu yang kekal untuk saya, kejujuran antara kita, dan kesetian cinta kamu pada saya. saya janji, saya akan pelihara hubungan kita dan akan sentiasa bahagiakan kamu. kerna, kamu saja yang saya sayang dan cinta.

happy new year all! welcome to 2008. with love, me

kalau sudah cinta bersemi...

kalau sudah cinta dan sayang bersemi, mula lah merasa keindahan sesebuah hubungan. tika itu lah ada yang bisa membuat perut seperti ada rama-rama berterbangan kegembiraan. ada yang bisa membuat hari-hari muram menjadi gembira dengan penuh gurauan senda tawa seperti taman yang indah di kunjungi serangga warna-warni. ada yang bisa merasa langit gelap tanpa bintang itu indah.

begitu kuatnya cinta..

sehingga ada yang sanggup menggadaikan nyawa kerna sang arjuna.
ada yang jadi gila kena dek penangan cinta.
ada yang muram dan sentiasa ditemani air mata pabila tidur kerna teringat si dewa-dewi punjanga.

semua kerna cinta...
kita menangis, ketawa..
kita sedih, gembira..

olive juice baby!

tidak semua cerita cinta berakhir dengan kesedihan..
kerna aku mungkin akan kembali bahagia seperti hari kelmarin...
mungkin awan, bintang dan hujan mengerti hati aku.
mungkin pokok, burung dan unggas malam mendengar bisikku.
mungin angin membawa rinduku padanya..
terima kasih angin...
terubat sudah hati yang luka.tiada lagi kesedihan.tiada lagi kekecewaan.
yang aku tahu,hari semakin panas.disinari mentari garang cahayanya.bulan tetap ada,menyinari bumi sebelah sana.manusia kian bertambah,mempentaskan lakonan kehidupan mereka.dan aku,cinta aku semakin datang.aku kesal dengan setiap yang pernah jadi antara kita.tapi Tuhan mahukan kita tetap bersama.oh Tuhan, terima kasih kerana memberi kami peluang-Mu.

mengertikah kalian semua sekiranya aku katakan bahwa cinta itu sentiasa bahagia? dan yang luka hanya singgahan sementara?

he's in Heaven...

Living his new life behind the heaven's gate ... That’s how I want to think of him. I love him too much that I hate to admit he's no longer mine...I refused to think that I’ve set a full-stop in this relationship but instead I think of him as a memory that will forever send happy tears in my book of life... When I missed him and how badly I wanted to tell him, I wrote on a paper and burnt it with a wish that he will read it. Pathetic isn't? That is the power of love that I never thought I’d knew. My hope ends there. He'll never come back and I don't have to wait with guiltiness. It's easier that way, to have a strong reason why shouldn't you wait for him to come back. Because he won’t come back, he will never come back. Yes, I will loose someone with the number that I used to dial up in the middle of the night just to kiss him good night and tells him how in the world he meant to my life. But that’s the risk I should think before I ever want to be in love. People come and go. That’s life. But I won't loose the sparks of my life that shines other's life everyday without a day missing. I won't loose my smile that hides all the pain beneath me. I won't loose the laughter with joy that never failed to lie to my heart that everything is going to be okay. I won't jump from the moving train, I won't stay forever in the train. But for now, let the train runs my way, let the train goes wherever it want to go. I'll find a right destination one day, and that one destination is the place where I will decide to come down from hahahthe train for my beginning of life... Good-bye isn't the end of my life, it is the beginning for something that I will discover someday in my precious life. Love that comes and goes isn't a true love, but a love that needs a shelter when it is lonely. Though my love means nothing to others, to me...it means everything... The love for my life will helps me to stand on my own without men to help. I will get over you someday. And that someday will be the someday you will regret... i miss you. u take care. i hope u'll get someone better than me...

love, your princess..

He was my first real love, I’ve never thought that this is the feeling when you’re in love. I thought I was in love for many times before, but none of those ever sends chill to my stomach. We had our ups and downs. We cheated on each other, but the end of the day we keep on falling back to each other. There is no love that felt so good like this before. The history of us starts when we started to chat for two days on the phone, just messaging to each other as friends. One night, he we went out for dinner. first date. its was at waterfront. we drove around the town for awhile. We stopped two places though. finally after we had met up few times, And one precious night, he wants me to be his girlfriend. I wasn’t thinking much, he was just another guy in my life I thought, nothing more. Besides, I’m hurt for too long. (Seriously. I’m in love with attentions) From that moment, 070407,, I realized I have fallen in love with him. He’s the sweetest guy ever. He did a lot of things for me such as being my gay partner each single way. he wore the clothes that I picked for him and he remembered every words that came out from my mouth. He bought everything that I ever wish I want though he knows that he won’t be able to get what he wants. Along the way, I learnt how to let go my boys, I learnt to cook and dress up like a girl. (Though now I’m back to my boyish world but I’m still keeping my cooking skill) I tried not to talk so loud, and try not to talk so much. I learnt how to apologize and I learnt not to gets in fight. He changed a lot in me. He’s the grip of my life, without him I’m just a failure to this world. Hopefully, one day he can finally understand this feeling though I don’t show it often… always love you..

its love&&hate relationship...

love being in love. Even if the other person doesn't have a clue, because that proves i am alive. The question is can you love someone without expecting anything back from him? Can you love someone so much without suffocating him and allowing him to be free? without binding him to a contract of a relationship? Can i be so open like that?

you complete me..
and thanks for that.. love you always..

those invisible conversation...

im moving blogs. dont bother asking me for the new add.what you dont know, wont hurt you right? sorry people..

so everything started here.

or h e r e.

or here.

or h e r e.

or here.

or h e r e.

or EVEN..

here and here.

tears again? oh no

there's only two things that can make me look like im a fuckin druggie; lack of sleep and tears. there's about a hundred things that cures it, temporarily.but just one to make a miracle recovery. coz the last time, it worked. but because i had to get back, i was back to square one. all i need is enough sleep.

i missed him...

the only person that always i missed every single second is him.

wah! gw kangen amet nih sama qm! seperti hari-hari yang lalu,qm ada di sisi gw,. nemanin gw,. saat itu, kebahagian yang nga pernah gw rasain.., kerna qm ada.. makasih sayang!

ini lah erti kebahagian saat kami bersama

semua kerna cinta...

tidak semua ceritera cinta bermula dengan 'once upon a time' dan berakhir dengan 'they lived happily ever after'. perkenalan setiap episod cinta semestinya bermula dengan kemanisan dan kebahagian. dan yang pasti pasti ada yang berakhir dengan keperitan dan kekecewaan.

ada cinta yang wujud dalam gelap. 'cukup lah aku lihat kau dari sudut ini. kerna, aku tidak akan biarkan kau mengetahui isi hati ini. semoga kalian bahagia'.

ada juga yang bersaksikan alam, mengikat janji. janji terpati dihati dan di situlah kebahagian itu terasa.

alangkah indahnya sekiranya setiap cinta itu kekal indah dan manis.
ataukah setiap lafaz manis itu hanya pura-pura dan sandiwara semata-mata?

di mana pengakhiran ceritera cinta?
semua orang impikan cinta mereka berakhir di jinjang pelamin.
tetapi bagaimana andai kisah mereka terhenti ibarat jam kehabisan bateri?

tidak semua cinta itu indah. Kadang-kadang bila segalanya diatur dengan sempurna, pasti ada saja dugaan dan halangan yang menimpa-seseolah keasa Tuhan menidakkannya.