i miss you, and its bloody true

i need HELP and opinion people. should i keep in touch with him, ...theloveofmylife or just stay away and run hide from him?? actually, im afraid BAD things happened again. like the night i was at his house. freak me alot. i really dont want it to happen again! serious shit!! but i missed him. haha. come on people, i've been thinging, wondering, dreaming about him for the past two months. i'd cried myself to sleep. yes until now. pethatic bha kau pikir!!

so i just need your opinion about ;-

'SHOULD I KEEP IN TOUCH WITH HIM OR JUST STAY AWAY, RUN AND HIDE FROM HIM'

I think, i'm going to go BEZERK. i spent my ENTIRE NIGHT last night thinking what had happened to me and my ...theloveofmylife. seriously i keep wondering and thinking things again and again. what the fuck is happening? why this happened? stupid me. remorsed and regrets! wtf!

my ...loveofmylife was sick last night. he had this red eyes crap. and guess what? i brought him to permai policlinic. ya ya. stupid me. i missed him thats all. thats the only way i could see him. God listen to my heart. what i asked was only he dail my number so that i can listen to his voice. but God really loves us. God wont tortures people's feeling. so He met us up! haha. Thanks God for that. haha. okay, then after the clinic session, we had our lepak session at Rimba Sutera. just a glass of ice tea with lemon (isnt it ice lemon tea?). and he had talk. it was fun to see him. smiling. laughing. and he doesnt look SICK! haha. ya ya. red eyes. come on people, just tell him that i am the 'penawar'. haha. we went to mc donald drive thru and get some bites. ronda-ronda kingfisher cari abg bob's laundry and cyber cafe. urgh. but was okay la. we found plenty laundries. and zero cyber cafe. anyway its 12 fucking AM. and we went back at 1.30AM.

i missed him already. breath in breath out.

i don't realise, but i let let myself hurting me so badly inside. so badly that sometimes i just feel that you don't have the same feelings towards me anymore. and i sometimes, i feel like it's better if we dont see each other, call or smses. but i don't want to, cause that wouldn't only hurt you (maybe) but it will hurt me deeply. cause i'll be missing you so bad. i miss you voice. it will scar my heart, forever. so now, i'm bearing with it. i'm trying to learn to accept the fact that's we just the way we are. & i fallen with who you are, that line is puree. it's just bringing you trouble. well, it's my lost, i'm not going to be bugged about it, just a waste of my time. and i can't change the fact that you still 'HATES' me. I THINK MY HEART HAS STOPPED BEATING. more like "i think my heart has just started BLEEDING again". it hurts. it hurts alot.
but i guess i can't do anything about it. unless you tell me what you want in me. but maybe, i won't change. cause life worth nothing to me anymore.

I'm just sorry. for anything. i've done. i guess. and. yeah.

**sor·ry play_w adj. sor·ri·er, sor·ri·est

*1. Feeling or expressing sympathy, pity, or regret: I'm sorry I'm late.
2. Worthless or inferior; paltry: a sorry excuse.
3. Causing sorrow, grief, or misfortune; grievous: a sorry development

i'm an emotional wreck.

freak. i hate you i hate you i hate you. Can't imagine that we are over. it's over. its been two months? Fcuk you, i'm pissed and stressed out. i need a massage. message from you. argh. pethatic!!

well, overall, my life is just screwed up.yes it is. DEFINITELY. so help me. *sarcasm*sigh