my jiwa & raga..

i have two man in my life that i care and love the most. the one that give me hopes and faiths, loves and cares. one, my boyfriend. second, my bestest bestfriend. they just simply rawk my world. haha. and i love them so much. <333 and they both i called, my jiwa & raga.. korang pilihlah sape nak jadi jiwa and sape nak jadi raga. haha.

here's the pictures me and my gendut on our buddy day out. simply adorable.

we went to hmmph, hair cut. the pukang potong rambut is loke woow raggee siot. haha. then we went to wisma. window shopping. actually looking for his sandal and none of them match his taste. ya ya. semua pun ada ja kritikan. haha. after wisma we went to api-api at sportmart, centre point, warisan and finally wawasan. awh ya, we break fast in the car. with cup of coke. kembung perut siot. haha. at the end, we didnt not get anything. haha. we had fun.

i missed those people...

azrul talk to me. about his conversation with azeem. and it makes me cry.

the memories...

the bowling session...

azeem makan maggi in my room..

udin playing my eyeliner...

the dialogs that i missed the most..

azeem : 'uinah ging...',, 'macam anjing-anjing',, 'panjang jangan sebut ah',, 'punyaaa sandi ko ging'.

udin : 'mat, peler ko pindik macam ni ja kan?'

mat : 'mati la. mati la'

i missed them all. seriously. i miss them. so much.

azeem, mat, udin, zed, memei, riney, and all of them la. zen people.

saya sudah kehilangan si gendut saya

dear azrul.. i wanna tell u the whole thing when times come but u knew it earlier. so im sorry. i thought u said u dont love me so, make a move then. haha. bah bah. friends is forever bah. kau nak jadik kawan, aku tak kesah.. we rawk!!

endang!! kak izan is sooo gempak siot! haha. nah nah.. girlfriend si azrul dah ader boyfriend baru siot! haha. ex-girlfriend. dowh. anyway, kak izan, you rawk!! bia pun aku tukar link, kamu sungguh celik IT sehingga menjumpai aku! haha.. tinggal si endang dengan gendutnya. aku punya gendut nda lama lagi kurus tu. nda sudah gendut. si badak sudah tiada gajahnya.. si gemuk tiada sudah si gendutnya. woohoo..

iam not in a mood of blogging but hey people.. i love you all!! kepada semua yang membaca, terima kaseh!!

p/s : kak izan, drop bah komen! haha

azrul said, 'semoga berbahagia. akhirnya sempurna'..

ღmiss tanashah and mr bobღ

he's my sunshine. and he made me soo happy in the morning and night. he made me so absolutely happy and its not funny anymore. and my life seemed so worth it. i love him. and i meant it. and we im happy. we happy i think. dont u happy syg? haha.

and when i remembered, friends said, 'u'll find someone better.someone much better than awang. trust me.' or, 'forget azrul la babe. he's not belongs to you.' NOW i realize that its true. there is someone for me. and i found it! wahaha. so thanks for your friendster shout out azrul. u such a nice guy ever!! haha. well, at least all my questions about my friendship with azrul, answered!! kadang-kadangkan, saya sendiri bingung what the hell he need from me again. after things happened. so please just go, if you read this. im so tired be next to you. maybe im not a nice friend. im sorry. Things have been hard. Things have been driving me crazy.Things have been changing. and im changing. Frustrate you. Kill you. Ruin you. Ruin the friendship. wasnt my fault. and wasnt me to be blame. ask yourself. all i know now is im happy. im happy without you. seriously. oh, even if i havent meet abg bob. still im happy without you. so if you wanna be friend, be good kerana, aku sungguh pening melayan kerenah kamu! saya penat! If I dont make your heart skip a beat, then hate me. haha.

SO ITS THE TIME TO LET THE PAST STOP, HURTING ME!

two heart beat as one

introducing, mr. khafez. hoho.

p/s : sorry to abang cause i took this picture. haha. fyi people, this pic may be a year but he still look the same.

okay, here's the story. he's been MISSING, for SEVEN YEARS and finally with the help of God and Iffa's laundry assigment, we meet up. and i think we in love. love?? yeah, i guess so. is that we called FATE and DISTANY? is it JODOH? OR TAKDIR like our sms conversation about TAKDIR and stuff. i do believe in jodoh and takdir. and i do believe in US.

okay, some people, be ashame to fall in love. but when they missed that someone that much. they will can never deny thay they in love. love cant be force. they will come naturally. like us. the love came naturally. haha. conclusion, i love him and he love me too. insya Allah dengan doa kami berdua, we can get thru all of it and be happily ever after. haha.

10th ramadhan..

its been 2 fcukken years i havent meet miss linda. and she called. and we meet up. just a while but it was great.

and here's picture encek wan and me. we had our breaking fastwith miss ayu too. she's adorable girl. very sweet and pretty. hoho.

the breaking fast was okay and abg bob joining us a while. awh. i missed him. haha.

muka dan detik keriangan bersama mantan kekasih

we doing just FINE and GREAT..

people, meet azREPUBLIC. my soulmate. my bestfriend. my love??

okay, today was our second time breaking fast two-gether. it was fun and good. told you, we doing just FINE and GREAT. did i mention that we had our break fast at Sate Mesra last year on the third day of Ramadhan? this year same place but its was on the fifth day. Buffet. haha. it was FUN to see he ate a lot. senang hati woo. okay and today, seventh day of fasting we had our lamb chop session. oh ya, before that we spend our stupid crazy hours jalan-jalan tengok keretas (with S means more than one). until end up at TAMPARULI. yes, tamparuli, i repeat. crazy bha. but we had fun. pictures snappings. laughing. singing. lawak ketidak-atururan. its was FUN! then, we went to one borneo for windows shopping. he's trying this cloths and that. looking this stuffs and that. trying perfums this and that. haha. so thats for today. we doin just fine.

and he sang for me...

'hey wanita,gembira dapat berjumpa,teringat kembali kali pertama kita bersua,ingat bila kita bersepatu serupa,tak lama dahulu jangan kau kata kau dah lupa.gemuk,dirimu buat ku tertarik,menghilang segala prasangka,di jiwa,ohh gemuk,sungguh aku cinta kamu'

fyi,, i miss him. haha

i miss you, and its bloody true

i need HELP and opinion people. should i keep in touch with him, ...theloveofmylife or just stay away and run hide from him?? actually, im afraid BAD things happened again. like the night i was at his house. freak me alot. i really dont want it to happen again! serious shit!! but i missed him. haha. come on people, i've been thinging, wondering, dreaming about him for the past two months. i'd cried myself to sleep. yes until now. pethatic bha kau pikir!!

so i just need your opinion about ;-

'SHOULD I KEEP IN TOUCH WITH HIM OR JUST STAY AWAY, RUN AND HIDE FROM HIM'

I think, i'm going to go BEZERK. i spent my ENTIRE NIGHT last night thinking what had happened to me and my ...theloveofmylife. seriously i keep wondering and thinking things again and again. what the fuck is happening? why this happened? stupid me. remorsed and regrets! wtf!

my ...loveofmylife was sick last night. he had this red eyes crap. and guess what? i brought him to permai policlinic. ya ya. stupid me. i missed him thats all. thats the only way i could see him. God listen to my heart. what i asked was only he dail my number so that i can listen to his voice. but God really loves us. God wont tortures people's feeling. so He met us up! haha. Thanks God for that. haha. okay, then after the clinic session, we had our lepak session at Rimba Sutera. just a glass of ice tea with lemon (isnt it ice lemon tea?). and he had talk. it was fun to see him. smiling. laughing. and he doesnt look SICK! haha. ya ya. red eyes. come on people, just tell him that i am the 'penawar'. haha. we went to mc donald drive thru and get some bites. ronda-ronda kingfisher cari abg bob's laundry and cyber cafe. urgh. but was okay la. we found plenty laundries. and zero cyber cafe. anyway its 12 fucking AM. and we went back at 1.30AM.

i missed him already. breath in breath out.

i don't realise, but i let let myself hurting me so badly inside. so badly that sometimes i just feel that you don't have the same feelings towards me anymore. and i sometimes, i feel like it's better if we dont see each other, call or smses. but i don't want to, cause that wouldn't only hurt you (maybe) but it will hurt me deeply. cause i'll be missing you so bad. i miss you voice. it will scar my heart, forever. so now, i'm bearing with it. i'm trying to learn to accept the fact that's we just the way we are. & i fallen with who you are, that line is puree. it's just bringing you trouble. well, it's my lost, i'm not going to be bugged about it, just a waste of my time. and i can't change the fact that you still 'HATES' me. I THINK MY HEART HAS STOPPED BEATING. more like "i think my heart has just started BLEEDING again". it hurts. it hurts alot.
but i guess i can't do anything about it. unless you tell me what you want in me. but maybe, i won't change. cause life worth nothing to me anymore.

I'm just sorry. for anything. i've done. i guess. and. yeah.

**sor·ry play_w adj. sor·ri·er, sor·ri·est

*1. Feeling or expressing sympathy, pity, or regret: I'm sorry I'm late.
2. Worthless or inferior; paltry: a sorry excuse.
3. Causing sorrow, grief, or misfortune; grievous: a sorry development

i'm an emotional wreck.

freak. i hate you i hate you i hate you. Can't imagine that we are over. it's over. its been two months? Fcuk you, i'm pissed and stressed out. i need a massage. message from you. argh. pethatic!!

well, overall, my life is just screwed up.yes it is. DEFINITELY. so help me. *sarcasm*sigh

private blog or just let it be public?

dear friends and readers,

i had this anonymous who actually comments my blog, recently. and i think those word a harsh!
so, tell me, should i just keep this blog public or private to people i invites and approve only.
drop your comment. its help. thanks.

to anonymous, thanks for the comment. why dont you put your name instead of anonymous?? dont you dare?? wtf!!

the 3rd day of fasting was okay lah. wasnt that bad after all. but i missed those time last year where me and him spending this fasting month together. haha. 3rd day 2007 fasting, we end up break fast at satay mesra, city mall. and i remembered, he ate A LOT!!. i still remember it. whoa.. gilak nie! but memories rawk. and pethatic!! like sara said, im not like Johanna she knew. im no more talkative. silence all the way. haha.
me and my friends *name sencored*, went to bazaar ramadhan buying food for us. and suddenly i said to my girlfriend, 'babe, ni makanan favourite awang. yong tau foo. he like to eat this.' haha. am i that pethatic? omg. pergh. i can even forget about him. help!!!

i had this conversation with a friend of mine, i spent basicly 6 hours talking about feelings and how regretful i am. im tired crying for 2 amazing pethatic months. believe it, i've been crying everyday dowh! crazy as fakk! I dont know how write more interesting posts,it just comes down to how much.how happy i am being with the one i called ...loveofmylife.

my wish, please God. makes him call me. i miss his voice.

TELL ME HOW TO GET RID OF HIM!! PLEASE!